“Oh, cereal? That old fuddy-duddy?” I chuckle, as I sunbathe alarmingly bronzed and sunglassed before taking a swig of milk from a neon pink thermos, “For a hip, working fella like myself, only Diet Cereal will do. It’s sugar-free, and isn’t that just sweet?
As my smiling commercial fantasy fades out, I’m left with the lucidly real task of reviewing Catalina Crunch’s DITCH SUGAR (as it’s stylized) Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal. This is tough, because this is not the kind of cereal I usually review here—sure, I’ve tackled healthy cereals, but no sugar? That’s like eating a hot dog bun with just ketchup. Full disclosure, I received this sample from Catalina Snacks, and I chose to review it fairly as a way to diversify my cereal coverage—and hopefully reach internationally soon.
I heard Italian cereal is that real good, deep-dish stuff.
But unlike Diet Coke and its artificial ilk, Catalina Crunch DITCH SUGAR (which I could tattoo on my knuckles) is non-calorically sweetened with plant-derived stevia, meaning this cereal is practically a vegetable. And along with the cocoa fruit? Hand me a dinner Pop-Tart, because I’m set, baby.
The cereal’s Golden Grahamic, ridged squares come in a shockingly small package. I’m not sure if it’s designed to be mixed in with yogurt or smoothies, but it hardly makes a modest bowl alone—unless I’m meant to load a magazine of them into my breakfast cannon and go off. So with careful portion control, I’ll try and make my taste test long enough to get a good read (gotta turn off the Kirby function first).
Equally shocking is how CC’s DS DCAC only has one type of piece. Where most premium/handcrafted/luxury/artisan cereals have more flavorful forces at work than a vape convention, the squares power this cereal alone. Which is unfortunate, because while the Dark Chocolate Artisan squares do one thing right, they could use significant improvement elsewhere.
First off: the dark chocolate. When you first taste each quirky quadrilateral, the chocolate taste is quite uniquely pleasant. It’s oily and fudgy, kind of like chocolate no-bake cookies. But these tantalizing touches don’t last long, and the flavor of each mouthful dims to a meek cocoa powder afterglow, because blinking out completely, leaving 3-5 less comfortable chews for purely the dinner table vegetable-floured base flavor.
Which leaves a lot to be desired.It’s a bit bland, and at times has a sharply legumed, herbivorous aftertaste. As has been a recent theme, I long for the trampolining neutrality of a more heartily grained flour—even the pesky-at-worst release of corn would do a better job of propelling Catalina Crunch’s promising chocolate potential.
Milk helps prolong this cereal’s fudgier patches, but it’s a double-edged spoon, as dairy also gives Dark Chocolate Catalina Crunch a slimier patina on each square, making it better than the dry cereal experience, but still in desperate need of a pudding bath.
Ultimately I think Catalina Crunch Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal needs to more deeply infuse its proprietary dark chocolate goodness into the cereal. I realize that might not be realistic for a company with existing product, but my tongue is vocal when it detects a chocolate shortage, and it makes me a real pain to eat with on pizza night. If the price is right, this could be a good trial for someone wanting to expand their cognitive breadth on one-of-a-kind cereal chocolate experiences—to really say you’ve collected ’em all—but it will more likely appeal to those in real need of a less chemical carb-free diet, or those who need a quick fiber and protein fix—which this cereal does deliver in spades.
As for me? I’m going to test a wild pet theory and dump some Catalina dressing on the rest of this.
The Bowl: Catalina Crunch DITCH SUGAR Dark Chocolate Artisan Cereal
The Breakdown: Far too foreign of a cereal base for sugar-saturated palates like mind, the pleasing opening riffs of Stevia and chocolate need to go back to about square two.
The Bottom Line 4 chocolate salads out of 10
The after taste from the stevia is unbelievable. I bought it because I got excited about the dark chocolate, but all you get is the taste of stevia and the cereal itself isn’t sweet at all. Just one awful product.
I am SO DISAPPOINTED with Catalina Crunch. I feel like they scammed me by setting up my purchase as a subscription without me knowing, then when I received an email that another shipment was being charged to me and immediately replied, they refused the cancel the shipment. The Cheese Bites were disgusting, and the customer service has been even worse. IT’S A TERRIBLE COMPANY!!! DON’T BUY FROM THEM
I agree that this company is a fraud. They continue to charge credit card for shipments that I have not received and the email ‘hi@catalinacrunch.com’ is a black hole for emails. There have been zero responses to my many emails for cancellation of this product. A total disgrace towards customers and I will be reporting to BBB as well.
buyer beware, this company is a scam, which a terrible product
Corrupt business with NO ethical standards.
Apple pay and their website didn’t communicate properly and the wrong address was sent.
They refused to change address (some lame excuse that they can’t change things in orders)
Refuse to refund me, stating “who is going to pay our bakers, FedEx and the people we get our ingredients from?”….NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have submitted a claim to better business bureau.
Couldn’t agree more. The product is terrible and their customer service is worse.
This cereal tastes horrible! There is a reason they do not have reviews on their site. Also they do not send you an invoice with contact or pricing info. If you are not careful you will be signed up for a monthly order. They don’t accept returns and refused to acknowledge I ordered cinnamon and not chocolate. I will never do business with these guys.
This company is a scam!!!! They will double bill you then refuse to refund your money… Do not order from this company!
Finally receiced my cereal yesterday (12/20), five and a half weeks after ordering on November 13.
This business is a scam. I ordered cereal, and was initially happy with the taste, however, now they keep sending me more and charging me money. And there is no contact number, and no way to cancel an order. If I was you, I would stay away from this business. It’s just another scam to get as much money as possible out of customers. I have emailed them regarding the recent charges, and nobody has returned my email. So now I need to call the bank and Report the fraud. And maybe the Better Business Bureau and Beyond.
Ordered this cereal- it was shipped dinner than expected- it lives up to everything it states! Low carb, no sugar and tastes like a Keto version of coco puffs 💕 couldn’t be happier to have a great cereal option.
I ordered this product on 09/20/2018 they took my money and never sent the product. NOT HAPPY
I ordered November 5th. Nothing ever showed up either. Do ya ever get your order?
If they let me buy less than a 30 day supply I *might* be tempted to try it. I will stick to Cheerios or Kix if I want a lower sugar option. Cool of you to review these odd brands as well! It’s always a pleasure to read. I don’t know how you come up with such witty dialogue time and time again.
I’m Keto and enjoyed every word of your writing, while keeping in mind you were reviewing from a non-lowcarb perspective. Thank you for this review and please keep writing!
Thank you!
Dave is absolutely right. Those following a low carb diet have a completely different palate than those who don’t, so this review is not insightful with that perspective in mind.
I make it very clear that this is a blog for people who like cereal. Like actual cereal. Here’s some more productive insight: if you don’t feel you’re in the right demographic for my site—or if you for some reason feel you’re better than the demographic for my site—then simply don’t read it, or write your own review.
I’m assuming you’re also not on a low sugar ketogenic diet so you’re still used to eating high impact foods. The company designed the cereal for people on low carb diets to get thier crunchy fix. I’m wondering if it would be good for me to order being ketogenic, but this review due to your palate is not helpful.
By all means, post your own review. Then consider the tone and helpfulness of your comments before deconstructing someone else’s blog.
I don’t see the point of a sugar free cereal. Cereal is, by definition, made of things your body mostly turns to sugar.
Cheerios, for example, are already very low in sugar, and actually taste good (the superior oat at work.) This product is simply not necessary.
Because for some of us who can not tolerate any form of sugar, this is a great option to replace cereal…it’s crunchy, slightly sweet, and gives me the feeling of the cereals I miss so much.