Chocolate Little Bites are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats flavor ever made.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did I spoil the verdict of this review by saying that? Oops. I guess I was just distracted by the fact that these are the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made.

I typically review new cereals on this blog, but I always make exceptions for exceptional “classic” cereals. And the greatest Frosted Mini-Wheats ever made certainly qualify as exceptional.

These chocolatey cuboids are part of Frosted Mini-Wheats’ Little Bites line, which adorably miniaturize the brand’s normal sized Mini-Wheats. But “normal” Mini-Wheats are already a smaller version of Kellogg’s original, much larger Mini-Wheats, which debuted in 1972.

Confused yet? I know I am. Now I’m just wondering whether Kellogg’s plans to release a line of Frosted Micro-Wheats that we’ll need a magnifying glass and tweezers to eat. Or maybe they’ll just pull a switcheroo and release Monster-Wheats, which require us to consult a real estate agent before every spoonful.

All discussions of size aside, let’s take a minute to appreciate these cute, chocolate LEGO brick biscuits. With a brooding brown base and a snowy powdered icing, each piece resembles a tiny ice cream sandwich.

Eaten dry, they have an impressive crunch for their size, but a bit of a dry taste. The power of the sweet cocoa and unsweet wheat is pretty balanced, and the icing is hard to detect. It’s the cereal equivalent of a hastily stirred glass of Nesquik—it’s decent, but I’m left itching and hopping for more chocolate, like a powder-addicted brown rabbit.

And speaking of milk-based beverages: milk! Let’s be honest, eating Chocolate Little Bites dry is a missed opportunity, like going to a nice steakhouse and ordering chicken tenders off the kids menu. By drenching them in milk (the Little Bites, not the chicken tenders), they become the miniature ice cream sandwiches they were destined to be.

I’ve never eaten an ice cream sandwich in a bowl of milk before—mostly because I’d have a hard time explaining that one to the heart surgeon—but I imagine it must be pretty close to Chocolate Little Bites and milk. The milk-soaked biscuits become soft and mushy fudge balls, but the rich, chocolate chip nuggets hidden deep in each biscuit stay firm and crunchy. This provides a pleasant “crumbly and crisp” textural contrast, as well as an intense milk chocolate flavor.

Meanwhile, the now-creamy sugar coating is just the literal icing on these metaphorical chocolate cakes. And the endmilk: oh, the endmilk! I’ve used the words “fudgy” and “syrupy” to describe chocolate endmilk before, so I’ll avoid redundancy and use a more visceral metaphor:

Slurping the endmilk in Chocolate Little Bites is like vampirically drinking the chocolate lifeblood of a wounded ice cream sandwich.

I want to let that mental image linger for awhile, so I’ll wrap this one up: even though Frosted Mini-Wheats Chocolate Little Bites aren’t that great dry, eating them in milk is the best way to get flavor and fiber without blending bran flakes into a milkshake.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find some defenseless ice cream sandwiches—I have a taste for blood now.

The Bowl: Frosted Mini-Wheats Chocolate Little Bites

The Breakdown: If you ignore their bland dryness and thin icing, these cocoa hay bales become one of the best fudge-oozing, crisp-crumbling, syrup-slurping cereals on the market.

The Bottom Line: 9.5 glasses of chicken tenders and milk out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 200 calories, 6 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein per 1 cup serving)