Even more than the literal likes of “Waffle Crisp,” “Raisin Bran,” and “Honey Bunches of Oats,” Ghost Cereal may be the most aptly named cereal of all time.

Why? Because it tastes like the ephemeral phantom of an actual cereal.

Okay, I realize that sounds harsh, but you have to (and probably already do) understand something: I’m a cereal reviewer. I like sugary, sweet, grainy things. So when General Mills sent me a two-pack of Ghost Protein Cereal to try, they had to know that I wasn’t exactly the target audience…right?

Sure, I go to the gym, and sure, I like eating protein—but I typically do the latter in the form of mercury-poisoningly high doses of canned tuna, not cereals alchemically crafted from solidified milk protein. Which is all to say that my opinions on Ghost Protein Cereal probably won’t matter to fans of “normal” cereal (who weren’t gonna by this stuff anyway), nor will they be at all helpful to bodybuilders (who are seeking the perspective of someone who’s building a body not powered by cinnamon, toast, and crunch).

Which is all all to say that you should probably just stop reading here, for what’s to come will be mere semantic noise. Feel free to just turn on a dusty old box fan to get the same effect. Continue reading →