Banana Caramel Cheerios? More like, Caramel Banana Cheerios!
That’s it.
That’s the whole review.
Go on, you’ve got like, Neopets to feed, right?
…
Okay fine, I’ll elaborate. Continue reading
Monthly Archives: May 2022
Review: Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes & Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes
Note: though Chocolate is included in this lineup of new boxes, I won’t be reviewing it here, since it’s unchanged. You can find my original review here.
Tony, my man. Can I call you Tony Baloney?
No?
How about Riga-Tony? Tonyboy? Tony Island Mile-High Chili Dogs?
Alright, fine, let’s just get down to business…Anthony. Fact of the matter is, I’m impressed. You’re really embracing your right brain lately. I know it can be tempting to trust your business sense and realize that you could probably finance the entire Frosted Flakes brand interminably just by cheaply chucking in new marbits and mixing together existing cereals. But as much of a smart tiger as you are, I can tell you’re truly an artist at heart. And an athlete, too—geez, no wonder the Twitter furries thirsted you off the platform: you’ve got it all!
You’re so creatively inclined that you decided to bless us with not one, but two twinkling new cereal flavors—and neither have chintzy, redundant marshmallows! Sure, my bar for being impressed by new cereals has limboed lower and lower over the past purgatorial half year of lazy cereal-smithing, but hey, I’m going to stay positive and tackle the Strawberry Milkshaked and Cinnamon French Toasted fruits of your labor with gusto. Continue reading
Review: General Mills Filled Bites (Prototypes?)
Allow me to preface this review with the disclaimer that I honestly have no idea if these Filled Bites will ever hit mainstream shelves. I first heard about these two cereals via the insider tip of a Hy-Vee worker at a Minneapolis location often used as a General Mills new product test store. Then I got these two boxes (with different artwork) from reader Ryan (thank you kindly!), but they also seem like samples. The artwork feels more finalized, but it’s just art on both sides, plus the box is a thinner cardboard than regular cereal boxes.
Plus plus, there’s a landing page out there for a possible Cinnamon Toast Crunch Filled Bites—which, while still apparently in its prototype stage would likely replace Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll here—as CTC no doubt has bigger brand clout with the kids today than portly/chortly ol’ Poppin’ Fresh. That guy lost the youth the minute the similarly glossy Hamburger Helper rhymed him outta relevancy.
Which is all to say that, ultimate widespread legitimacy of these Filled Bites aside, I feel a need to review them, if only to uphold the ephemeral legacy of Fillows—a decidedly dank and decadently dense cereal line that deserved way better. Continue reading
Another Cereal News Round-Up!
Hi there, it’s your favorite terminally inconsistent cereal blogger here with a quick look at all the latest and crunchiest cereal headlines from the past week or so.
First up we have limited-edition Star Wars Frosted Flakes, releasing this July to commemorate the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series releasing later this month. The actual constituent concept behind these Frosted Flakes isn’t particularly groundbreaking—mixing Chocolate Frosted Flakes with like, yogurt or honey-coated ones would be more exciting than this, which will inevitably just taste like diluted Chocolate Frosted Flakes—but I gotta give props to whoever did the box art: imagining Darth Tony slaughtering younglings is one heckuva visceral mental image. Continue reading