Monthly Archives: March 2022

News: General Mills Filled Bites Cereals

General Mills Filled Bites Cereals

General Mills has a commitment problem.

It seems whenever the cereal behemoth finally gets around to releasing a totally new cereal IP, they end up backtracking and lumping it in with an existing, already well-known cereal family. The highest profile case of this occurred with Tiny Toast, which, at the time, got a lot of publicity for being GM’s first truly new cereal brand in over a decade. However, a year later, Tiny Toast was, well, toast—and its two flavors became Strawberry and Blueberry Toast Crunch, both of which were discontinued not long after.

And now, this seems to be happening again, at least in some sense. Remember Fillows? The extremely dense and decadent filled pillow duo from 2019 which also got axed before releasing new flavors? Well, it appears they may be back, albeit with much more prominent cross-branding with existing General Mills properties.

The above photo of two Crispy & Creamy Filled Bites cereals comes courtesy of Michael B., from a Hy-Vee in Minneapolis that is apparently a test store for General Mills—which makes sense, given that’s where the corporation is headquartered. As a test item, it’s therefore unclear when these Filled Bites might hit stores nationwide, nor is it guaranteed that they’ll even get a conventional release at all.

Either way, I sure hope they do. I thought Fillows were criminally underrated as an uber-indulgent dessert cereal, and any cereal that gives Golden Grahams the spinoff respect it deserves is a must-try in my book. What do you think? Which would you try first?

News: Three New Frosted Flakes Flavors

New Frosted Flakes Flavors

Wow-wee, golly-gee! Changing the color and flavor of milk? You mean the thing every single cereal ever does?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally excited for these new Frosted Flakes flavors. I just think it’s a little silly that in-milk alchemy is the principle selling point, since unless your cereal is changing the milk an entirely different color from the cereal pieces themselves, the flavor and pigment infusion of endmilk is pretty much an expected feature at this point.

Rather, it’s the actual Frosted Flavors here that have piqued my interest. Sure, Chocolate Frosted Flakes are far from new, but it seems Kellogg’s is aiming to improve the formula, calling it “better than ever, with traditional corn flakes, sweet cocoa and vanilla flavor.” As far as I know, the titillating promise of vanilla is new here.

The real interesting ones are Strawberry Milkshake, packing “a ripe and juicy strawberry flavor coupled with rich, creamy notes,” and Cinnamon French Toast: “the perfect combination of caramelized brown sugar and maple syrup flavor with warm cinnamon spice on golden toasted corn flakes.”

Though simply sugared Frosted Flakes don’t immediately strike me as the ideal vessel for such nuanced flavors, I’m intrigued enough to check give this whole tasty triumvirate a try when it hit shelves in May.

News: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread

New Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread

No, no, no: this is all backwards!

Ever since the likes of Nutella and Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter kicked off a brief “dessert spread” fad like a decade ago, I’ve yearned for those two spreads in particular to get their own breakfast cereals. And although there was a creamy hazelnut cereal released overseas, it seems my dream is no closer to actualization—especially now that General Mills is inversely turning a cereal into a spread, instead!

Launching this month, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Creamy Cinnamon Spread packs all the swirled cinnamon sugar goodness of those crazy squares into a slightly more viscous method of delivery. Much like CTC’s Cinnadust, I have no clue what I would use a whole jar of Creamy Cinnamon Spread for, but unlike the ‘dust, I would have no qualms about spooning this spread straight up (and quickly falling into a blissful cinna-tonic state).

Smoothies? Literal Cinnamon Toast Crunch toast? CTC&J sandwiches? Let me know in the comments what you would use this spread for.

Review: Crumbl Cereal Cookies!

New Crumbl Cereal Cookies

Apologies for the in situ photos—wanted to taste them as close to received temperature as possible.

*Sighs*

*Chisels sedimentary crust from my eyes*

Alright, play the song.

Even though I’m still something-ing my way through my twenties, I’ve been making a lot of jokes lately about feeling old, especially the more I realize that today’s cereal game is far different than the one I grew up with. Whereas I had Chex Quest and Millsberry, today’s kids have color-changing cereal kicks and celebrities turned into cereal pieces that are also emojis. Cereal hasn’t gotten any more or less weird, mind you, just a different kind of weird.

And if there’s any cerebrally immersive church suitable for that newfangled high strangeness, it’s Crumbl Cookies.

As someone who’s not on TikTok (by deliberate design; I’d get nothing done), there are so many trends I just don’t know about. Ergo, the cult appeal of Crumbl Cookies has been totally lost on me this whole time. I just never knew it was a thing, let alone a thing with millions and millions of devoted fans who flock to Crumbl’s’s 300+ locations weekly to try the bakery’s new flavor rotations. In my head, the popular paradigm for buzzworthy desserts is still a serve-yourself froyo shoppe, which in reality is becoming an endangered species compared to Crumbl.

So there I am at my local Crumbl, wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and soul-awed, waiting in line behind a dozen people who are also waiting to try the brand’s four new cereal cookies—as another dozen employees scoop, roll, and bake the doughy discs in a pink-saturated open-concept kitchen. It’s all quite the spectacle—and reminds me of the bubblegum efficiency of Black Mirror’s Nosedive episode—even if I felt a little out of my element (I tend to have more of a salty than a sweet tooth, believe it or not, so I’m less apt to go out for treats and instead just have a bowl of cereal at home). I also admittedly received a voucher from Crumbl to review these cookies, so it was especially funny to see the cashier’s reaction to my coupon redemption, her seeming to think I was a hip TikTok influencer instead of a crusty millennial cereal blogger.

But that’s enough about the setting, let’s talk about the eating.

Continue reading

Review: Boston Creme Donut Pop-Tarts

New Boston Creme Pie Pop-Tarts Review Box

Milk Chocolate Graham

Choco Graham Pop-Tarts

Milkchocolategraham Poptart Wheretofind

Why’d they stop making MCG PTs

Bring Back Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tarts

Ope, sorry, I thought this was Google for a second. You see, it’s been eight years since Pop-Tarts, for their 50th brand-iversary, brought retro flavor Milk Chocolate Graham back to shelves (it’s original release date is unclear, but way before I was born), and I still haven’t gotten over it. The little things were pretty unassuming and didn’t yield many rave reviews, but I adored them for their graham forwardness and the way they eschewed the fluffy filler of S’Mores Pop-Tarts to focus on that campfire treat’s real most defining components.

To this day, Milk Chocolate Graham is my favorite Pop-Tarts flavor ever, and chocolate Pop-Tarts in general are my favorite toaster pastry genre, so whenever a new Choco-Tart drops, I muster a few feeble prayers in hope that the new kid on the fudgy block will live up to the precedent set by the likes of Chocolate Fudge, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and yes, Milk Chocolate Graham.

Boston Creme Donut Pop-Tarts are the latest such Tart in the Brotherhood of Sweet, Sweet Brown—the first new chocolate Pop-Tart flavor, in fact, since 2020’s phenomenal Chocolatey Churro. But are these BCD Pop-Tarts an answer to my prayers, or the cruel curling of a monkey paw’s middle finger? There’s only one way to find out, and it involves wiggling my own fingers whimsically with a “don’t mind if I do” muttered in my empty kitchen. Continue reading

National Cereal Day News Round-Up!

Y’know that scene in The Office where a quietly approaching Angela startles the $#!+ out of Dwight?

Yeah, that’s basically me and National Cereal Day. Every year, without fail, I forget it’s coming until the last minute—I mean, whose bright idea was it to put the holiday on a date as unassuming as March 7th?

That’s a purely rhetorical question, mind you, because National Cereal Day is historically a holiday with frustratingly nebulous origins. I’ve researched a number of obscure retro cereal topics, but no such searches have been at fruitless as my attempts to find out when, why, and through whom 3/7 was crunchfully commemorated. Rather, it’s always just seemed like an annual excuse for every cereal’s social media accounts to pop off with like….another picture of their cereal.

In short, National Cereal Day is like the overly commercialized Valentine’s Day of notable cereal dates (for me, the Christmas is the variable June date of the Battle Creek Cereal City Festival, which is finally returning this year!).

Therefore I rarely do any grand posts or gestures, instead celebrating privately with a big bowl of The Best Stuff (Trader Joe’s Raisin Bran Clusters with lactose-free milk). I’d also like to take this chance to catch you up on a bunch of new cereal news tidbits that’re both too tiddy and too bitty to warrant their own blog posts. It’s the seventh of March, so let’s do it up right with seven bite-sized blurbs—my own little offerings to National Cereal Day. Continue reading