Monthly Archives: December 2021

The 5 Best (and 3 Worst) New Cereals of 2021

Top Cereals of 2021

O dumpster fire, O dumpster fire
How flaming is thy garbage
O rubbish year, O rubbish year
Your trash was so combustive

I’m sure you don’t need your friendly neighborhood cereal blogger to remind you that 2021 has been, by and large, a rough one: a collective yikes, a 365-day-long concerted oof, if you will. And when I started this article, I initially felt like 2021 was a bad year for new cereals, too. Compared to the meaty breakfasts and Green Onion Chexes of recent years, 2021 definitely had fewer game-changing cereal oddities. The closest thing to a show-stopping headline was the 50th anniversary Monster Mash Cereal—which turned out to be a pretty milquetoast Monster Cereal send up that, while not worthy of my year-end list, was still a befitting symbol for this year.

Nevertheless, as I retro-flected on everything I reviewed this year, I was surprised to see a fair handful of fond memories. For a vast majority of this good stuff, I simply couldn’t believe they actually came out in 2021: that’s how long this year has felt. #2 on this year’s Best List, in particular, felt like something I would’ve eaten while still in high school—if not while still in diapers.

But I’m sure you’ll get enough of this blithe oh what a year small talk from your real-life NYE compatriots, so allow me to cut to the chase: here are the five new cereal(related product)s that made my mouth water this year—and the three that made my cry. Continue reading

Review: Dominique Ansel Bakery’s Christmas Morning Cereal

Dominique Ansel Christmas Morning Cereal Review Box

Merry Christmas y’all!! We* here at Cerealously hope your day is merry, bright, oh-so-sweet, and just right.

*By “we” I literally mean me and my two cats, whose best approximation of “cereal” is salmon bits suspended in gravy.

For such a special day, naturally I’ve got a special review on deck. This aptly titled “Christmas Morning Cereal” is a premium breakfast product from Dominique Ansel Bakery—the folks behind the once infamously hyped Cronut phenomenon. Apparently Dominique Ansel Bakery has been selling this Christmas Morning Cereal in limited annual batches since 2013, but I’ll admit this is the first year I’ve even heard of it, let alone tried it. That’s probably because I’m used to $4 family sized boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, while Christmas Morning Cereal costs $15.50 for a demure carton that’s just about big enough for 2-4 bowls of designer indulgence.

However, this particular Christmas Morning Cereal carton was an incredibly generous gift from the kind John Riggs, who runs a gaming YouTube channel in addition to being a fellow cereal fan and historian. So my sincerest Yuletide thanks go out to him, as I dive into what may very well be the priciest per-bite review in this site’s history. Continue reading

News: Betty Crocker Cinnadust Desserts

Betty Crocker Cinnadust Frosting

Why use one word when four gets the idea across more laboriously? Like, why call it “water” when “cold distilled cloud sauce” sounds so charmingly clunky? Why settle for “walking” when “dual-legged ambulatory self-propelled motion” is right there? And why simply call your dessert “cinnamon” flavored when “Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnadust” offers so much candy-colored cross-branded opportunity?

Just kidding: how could I be upset that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is creeping its cinnamon sugar-swirled tendrils all across the Baking Needs aisle?

Cinnadust Crunch Cake Mix Cinnadust Coffee Cake Mix Cinnadust Cookie Mix Cinnadust Pancake Mix

And boy howdy is Betty Crocker going all out with the Toast Crunch touch. We’ve got Cinnadust Frosting of course, ideal for all-purpose icing and all-setting spooning directly into your Cinnamon Toast Maw. Then there are two cake mixes: Coffee Cake and Crunch Cake, so you can have a slice of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the morning and after dinner. There’s Cinnadust Cookie Mix, when dunking cereal in milk just isn’t enough. Then there’s a Cinnamon Toast Crunch Complete Pancake Kit, which sounds like the ultimate mouthfeel gauntlet of crunchiness, stickiness, and fluffiness.

Lucky Charms Marshmallow Pancake Kit

And if that wasn’t enough mouthwatering, molar-tingling sweetness for your day, Lucky Charms is joining the pancake mix too—this one, I believe, would pair beautifully with Mrs. Butterworth’s Fruity Pebbles Syrup (and by “beautifully” I mean “an abstract tie-dyed performance-art abomination”).

Spooned & Spotted: Mrs. Butterworth Fruity Pebbles Syrup

https://www.instagram.com/p/CXgaF-XLyV6/

This is her body…

*hands you a small waffled wafer*

…and this is her blood.

*pours Fruity Pebbles syrup directly into your mouth*

Yes, dear parishioners at this holy maple mass, you can now top your breakfast with Mrs. Butterworth’s own crimson lifeblood! Or perhaps it’s Fred Flintstone’s—the scripture isn’t clear on this matter. And this viscous red syrup sure ain’t clear either. All we can be sure about is that Mrs. Butterworth’s Fruity Pebbles-flavored syrup is now available at Walmart.

Personally, I can’t imagine loving the taste of liquefied Pebbles enough to finish an entire bottle of it, so I feel like you’d have to get creative with how you use this stuff. Pour it in your coffee, maybe? Or perhaps pour it all over your body and build the world’s stickiest slip-n-slide? I have no idea, but at least Cap’n Crunch’s Ocean Blue Syrup now has a competitor for the “most eerily food-colored cereal sauce in history” title belt.

What cereal do you think should get syrup-ified next? I feel like Waffle Crisp is too redundant of an answer, so maybe Golden Grahams?

News: Post Pebbles Shake Ups!

New Fruity Pebbles Shake Ups!

Ugh, typical: another job lost to automation.

Well at least, “AI-generated cereal mixology” is the only rational explanation I can think of for Post’s new Pebbles Shake Ups! cereal pouches and the nonsensical menagerie of cereal pieces contained therein. First off, you’ve got Birthday Cake Pebbles Boulders, which is an edible enigma in its own right. Not only did I never expect Pebbles to dust off the spherical, ten-year-old Pebbles Boulders sub-brand, but they decided to create a new Boulders flavor just to use in these Shake Ups! Pebbles Boulders proper were only ever released in Caramel Apple and Chocolate Peanut Butter varieties, so Birthday Cake Pebbles Boulders are a new cereal released within a new cereal mix—that is, unless you assume these Boulders are just rebranded Birthday Cake Timbits Cereal pieces (which they totally are).

Rounding out this odd ensemble are Waffle Crisp squares and “Salted Pretzel Bits.” Don’t get me wrong, I love Waffle Crisp, and actual salty pretzel sound interesting, but a taste trilogy of birthday cake, maple, and salted pretzel seems just a little too random to rev my engine. Continue reading

Bite-Sized Reviews: Swiss Miss Cocoa Puffs & Cap’n Crunch’s Merry Berries Popcorn

The latest in my light/bite-speed review series of cereals that aren’t novel enough to justify full Tolstoyan treatises: two holiday season quasi-re-releases that, though they are both outstandingly simple, feel very cozy if you can enjoy them while watching flurries fall outside your window (earmuffs and electric blanket optional, but highly recommended).

News: Marshmallow Cocoa Pebbles

New Marshmallow Cocoa Pebbles Cereal

*Throws hands up in the air with enough gusto to alter the flight patterns of passing geese*

Fine, I guess.

Innovation in the cereal sphere is often a weirdly all-or-nothing affair. Sure, we get intelligent strokes of sweet strategic genius like Apple Pie Toast Crunch, but a lot of the time it seems like if we’re not getting bludgeoned over the buzz-fed head with wacky headline-grabbers like Green Onion Chex or…meaty cereals, big cereal companies will instead play it super safe by simply making a sugary cereal more sugary—whether that means frosting an already frosted cereal or just chucking in a mittful of marbits and calling it a day.

Case in point: new Marshmallow Cocoa Pebbles. Pebbles are no stranger to marbits: from Dino Pebbles to Marshmallow Mania Pebbles, it’s well-trodden territory for the shaved rice crisps brand. Which is why I can’t find myself getting too excited about another (admittedly kinda lazy) marshmallow addition—even if they are using cocoa-infused marbits this time. If nothing else, as a purple-loving people cereal eater, I adore this vibrant box, but, uh, I’m drawing a big, white and fluffy blank when it comes to saying anything else interesting about Marshmallow Cocoa Pebbles.

The cereal has already been spotted out in the wild, so if Marshmallow Cocoa Pebbles sounds like your bag, run—do not walk—your stone-age car to the store ASAP.