BITE-SIZED REVIEW: Ghostbusters Cereal is a low point for licensed cereals, which are rarely good to begin with. They didn't even bother giving this a quirky flavor name—which is fitting, because the puffs have no flavor, save for the haunting pale specter of stale Franken Berry. pic.twitter.com/NCzkI26TFD
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) May 1, 2021
Look, I wanted to write a full post about this one, but it…it did not give me much to go on. Skip it, ‘nough said.
Oops, I did it again! And again. And again. And again…and again. In some small circles (i.e. the triangulation of me and my two cats), I’m infamous for forgetting to post on this blog about the podcast I cohost. So if you haven’t already caught-up on my and Justin’s meditative show about cereal, get ready for a ladle-sized spoonful of relaxing breakfast content.
In our last five episodes, we’ve covered a sweet, sweet swath of topics, from the hunt for Garfield’s long-lost ’80s cereal to my field trip to Grand Rapids’ new Eastown Cereal Cafe. For our milestone fiftieth episode, released today, we talked about cereal DUPLOs, meaningless blue marshmallows, the in-bowl integrity of favorite spoons, and much more.
If you’ve got even more catching up to do, you can find every Empty Bowl episode at out Anchor hub. You can also follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each one is like a very meaningful blue marshmallow converted to HTML.
When I saw reports of these “New” Cap’n Crunch Treats, I got some serious dĂ©jĂ chew, and suddenly I was transported back to the strange, alien world of 2013. Back then, I was but an innocent student with an X-treme nacho cheese chip on my shoulder—classic college prank, real funny, guys—and this blog was still a twinkle in my cereal-scarfing eye.
The Crunch Berry and Peanut Butter Crunch Cap’n Crunch Treats of that era were just about identical looking to the above ones, which hit stores this month—albeit with box art featuring the Cap’n making the two halves of his Treat kiss, instead of the intimidating “here comes the plane” drizzle he’s doing today.
But the fact of the matter is that these Treats, while no doubt delicious, are not new. In fact, the idea of Cap’n Crunch Bars has existed since the late ’90s. I can’t blame Quaker for treat-ing these like they’re new, though. I mean, who among us, besides the anal-retentive breakfast bloggers, can keep track of which cereals have passed the BAR exam? At this point, the mutualistic amalgamation of cereal pieces into a single, stronger organism just feels like a natural stage in any cereal’s evolutionary lifecycle. Though I will note, interestingly, that these Cap’n Crunch Treats appear to use pieces of various sizes—giving them the exotic geologic appearance of riverbed minerals.
How might such a sedimentary strategy affect their taste? I’ll have to find out, assuming I can find these tempting Cap’n Crunch Treats.
The nonsensical absence of Cinnamon Frosted Flakes puts too much pressure on the too-small balls to prop up the flavor. If you insist on a middling combo like this, I'd still wait for Kellogg's upcoming Frosted Flakes x Apple Jacks Mashups, since AJ pieces are, at least, larger.
— Cerealously 🥛🥣 (@cerealouslynet) April 26, 2021
The latest nosh from my perennially overflowing pantry.
I admit it: I’m a fraud.
See, I often claim that this is a blog about “cereal, Pop-Tarts, and oatmeal,” but I haven’t written a word about oatmeal since mid-2018—let alone other hot cereals. Sorry, Cream of Wheat, but I just don’t think we’re going to work out.
There are a couple reasons for my oatmeal abstinence. Logistically, I both don’t hear about new oatmeals often, plus in the breakfast aisle it’s way harder to notice new oatmeal varieties, since brands like Quaker will use the same box design with small element swaps.
But more importantly, I simply can’t get as excited about new strains of oatmeal as I can about new cereals. Oatmeal just lacks the crunch, potency, and childlike goofiness that makes cereal so fun—and don’t even get me started on how hard it is to take an attractive picture of beige mush. Like a school photographer, I find myself grimacing through the steamed-up lens, thinking “Oh. Great. You’re looking, so…eager,” as my oatmeal slogs its way through the $100 picture package its parents paid for.
Aesthetic tepidity aside, oatmeal is back in a sleek and minimalistic way with these RX A.M. Oats cups. Armed with four cutely cupped flavors—Chocolate, Apple Cinnamon, Maple, and Vanilla Almond—I’m here to take some moist glamour shots and see if these high-protein, low-ingredient cups can stand oat-to-oat with the feeble Quaker guy and his flimsy packets. Continue reading
Tired: Dippin’ Dots Cereal is coming back
Wired: Special K is dippin’ lots of toasted flakes in sweet, sweet chocolate!
Hitting shelves this month, Special K Dipped Chocolatey Almond is Kellogg’s first cereal to feature chocolate-dipped—rather than cocoa-baked or dusted—flakes. I can’t really recall if I’ve ever had a cereal with choco-dipped flakes, but every time I’ve encountered yogurt-coated flakes, it’s been a great time, so I’m betting these will be tasty.
In fact, the hype Kellogg’s is building around these flakes reminds me of the big deal Lay’s made about chocolate-dipped potato chips nearly a decade ago. Those were pretty good, but the problem was you didn’t get many for the price. So here’s hoping Special K Dipped Chocolatey Almond Cereal doesn’t skimp on the headlining star. Though the almonds and cocoa-coated flakes flanking the dipped ones seem like decent consolation prizes.
Speaking of which, where’s the free prize inside? I want a chocolate-coated matchbox car!
“CRUNCH, YEAH!” insists the slightly unnerving face of Carvel’s cone-headed mascot.
But what I hear echoing is, “LAWS? NAH!”
Put simply, Carvel Crunchies feels like an illegal cereal. A controlled substance. The type of stuff I’d take to have a shamanic desert odyssey.
Starting today through April 18th, the first 150 people to place an in-person or digital order at their local Carvel location will get a complimentary box of Crunchies Cereal. Just be sure to bring a holster or attache case so you can secure the box to your person without putting bystanders at risk.
See, because Carvel Crunchies is a freebie cereal that’ll never be sold at stores—though it might find a niche at Cabela’s—it doesn’t have to hold itself to the same logical balanced-breakfast standards as every mainstream cereal. After all, Carvel Crunchies are based on the brand’s beloved fudge-covered cookie crumbles… Continue reading
You can’t convince me otherwise: Superman ice cream, like its namesake hero, is an anomalous alien life form that’s managed to assimilate into Midwestern American life. From taste to aesthetics, the stuff is just so weird, yet so good, and its flavor defies conventional description like any number of SCPs or extraterrestrial pocket dimensions.
Superman ice cream is a tantalizing tryst between ice cream flavors cherry, lemon, and blue moon—itself an oddity whose implacable taste has been described as everything from marshmallows and vanilla almonds to Lucky Charms and Froot Loops. Quintessentially a “Michigan thing” by origin, Superman ice cream’s popularity has spread across the midwest, including Cincinnati, OH: birthplace of Kroger grocery stores.
Of all the infinite flavor forms a store-brand Oreo could take, Superman ice cream has gotta be one of the most obscure—but even before tasting these, I’m so glad Kroger went there. And I’m also glad they went with a name as palatable as “Kaleidos,” rather than following the dark path of, *shudder*, “Creme Betweens.” Continue reading
