Monthly Archives: December 2020

Review: Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Crunch

New Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Cereal Review Box

You know those quasi-popular memes that contrast one’s grieving friends & family with the reality that one is in the underworld as Doomguy, looking for vengeance? Yeah, that’s gonna be me in the bowels of H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks, aiming to double-damn the infernal blight of the Elf on the Shelf. Of course, I’d never find him, since that well-hidden Elf resides either high in Satan’s castle or in some abstract negative space unreachable by human souls.

All that to say, I don’t like Elf on the Shelf. I don’t like his silent menace, his plasticine face, or his chaotic-neutral mischief. But since Elf on the Shelf Vanilla Candy Cane Cookie Crunch is one of only two new Holiday cereals this season, I’m obligated to give this wintertide rascal his due bloggerly diligence.

Because if I don’t, he’ll probably curse me into endlessly wandering his snowy pocket dimension’s gingerbread labyrinth. Continue reading

Quick Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Soft Baked Bars

New Cinnamon Toast Crunch Soft Baked Bars Review Box

When it comes to Quick Reviews on this blog, I have a sordid history: 98% of the time that I title a post “Quick Review,” I end up removing the word “Quick” after effortlessly coasting past the 500-word mark. But this time, with Cinnamon Toast Crunch Soft Baked Bars, I’m committed to making this, perhaps, my shortest review ever. Why? Let me give you a few quick reasons: Continue reading

News: Two New Kellogg’s Cereals, Two New Kellogg’s Cereal Bars

New Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats and Blueberry Special K Cereals

While General Mills dropped their entire Early 2021 cereal lineup in one concentrated dump of rendered cardboard, Kellogg’s is sharing their New Year’s offerings in drips & drabs. with each of the products pictured here hitting headlines across the past week or so.

First we have two cereals on opposing ends of the sugary–healthy cereal spectrum. Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats clearly has no reservations about frosting full-gloss, twinkling and gooey cinna-bun flavor atop its thatched squares. Granted, Frosted Mini-Wheats variants often aren’t flavored that potently, regardless of how rich their dessert inspirations may be. In fact, while I’m sure Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats will taste just fine, this isn’t entirely new territory for the brand. Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats Little Bites were around in 2012, and I’m a firm believer in the superior flavor of Mini-Mini-Wheats—simply because they have a higher frosting-to-wheat ratio.

Likewise, Special K with REAL WHOLE BLUEBERRIES seems kind of like a downgrade from Blueberry and Lemon Clusters Special K, which may not have had whole blueberries, but it had freakin’ yogurt clusters. That’s way more deserving of an obnoxiously all-caps box banner. But hey, it’ll probably also taste alright, if not good! Continue reading

News: Wonderworks Keto Friendly Cereal | Chocolate, Peanut Butter, & Cinnamon

New Wonderworks Keto Friendly Cereal from General Mills Boxes

If you follow cereal news, one thing you quickly learn is that January is the December of joyous new breakfast tidings. For whatever reason, cereal companies love to ring in the New Year by announcing a dozen or more products in one bulk batch. This usually leaves my poor fingers aching as I try to cover everything in one mega post, but thankfully—at least for General Mills’ January announcement—I’ve covered just about everything already.

Everything but the above three cereals—probably the only three in General Mills’ Class of ’21 that won’t sabotage your Resolution. Continue reading

News: Larabar Cereals

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Larabar Cereal

(Update: there will also be a third Larabar Cereal variety: Cashew Cookie!)

Six months after the first bar-turned-cereal reared its overpriced head, Larabar is giving chase. It’s unclear whether KIND inspired Larabar parent company General Mills to deconstruct their energy bars too—try as I might, I couldn’t figure out who makes KIND Cereal. KIND is owned by Mars, a name that certainly isn’t a breakfast aisle regular, as they repeatedly refuse to drop an M&M’s cereal. But I digress; I like Larabars a lot more than KIND bars, so I’m genuinely wishing them well with the ambitious Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip above.

I’ll be honest with y’all: I think this cereal is going to taste amazing.I anticipate a total slapper, if not a Cereal of the Year contender. Why am I so confident? Just look at it! Chocolate chips, peanuts, oats and flakes—how can it go wrong? I’ll lament that there probably won’t be any doughy notes like in a real Larabar, but this is giving me serious Love Crunch vibes. And that’s saying something.

But wait, there’s more! Continue reading