Monthly Archives: September 2019

News: Golden Grahams S’Mores Bites

Golden Grahams S'Mores Bites

Oooooh, Golden Grahams: you’re looking good! You’re 44 going on :30!

No, seriously—this is a big step for Golden Grahams. This criminally underrated 1975 cereal almost always gets the short end of the campfire roasting stick when it comes to creative new variations. Perhaps it’s an intentional—and respectable—commitment to the purity of Golden Grahams’ sterling reputation, but the fact that we’ve never seen a Peanut Butter or Chocolate Golden Grahams leaves my heart crying honey-drop tears not unlike the cereal’s short-lived ’80s mascot:

But when Golden Grahams does get an ancillary exploration of flavor potential, it’s always in a cereal-adjacent form. We’ve gotten a couple different Golden Grahams cereal bars, and now the no-brainer concept of Golden Grahams and s’mores ingredients—a notion already popularized by Post and subsidiary Malt-O-Meal—is getting a more well-rounded interpretation.

Piggybacking off the presumed success of Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites, Golden Grahams S’Mores Bites deliver thirty rounds of choco-‘mallow stuffed graham balls to your microwave, and in just thirty more seconds, you can have enough incendiary enjoyment to launch a trebuchet of ’em into your neighbor’s potluck.

I don’t know about you, but I’m super excited. Graham as a flavor—or even just an abstract principle—deserves more representation. So here’s hoping these Bites are the start of a slow roll into 2020: the Year of Golden Graham’d Experiences.

News: Millville Peanut Butter & Jelly Puffs!

Millville Peanut Butter & Jelly Puffs Cereal Box

Now we’re talkin’!

Perhaps sensing my grating distaste for granulated, tasteless rings, an unexpected source is about to relieve my weathered sweet tooth from the kind of breakfast blandness slowly eroding it like a suckled candy cane.

It’s aptly titled “Peanut Butter & Jelly Puffs,” a no-nonsense, respectably minimalistic name that nevertheless belies the sheer insanity of the stuff’s chuckle-some mascots, who could totally wipe the floor with the Apple Jacks mascots in a tag-team cage match—just look at that strawberry’s Medusa hair, and the peanut’s gravity-defying buck-nut tooth!

This isn’t the first time Aldi store-brand Millville has stunned us with a novel concept. Last year, my brain was warped by the goodness of Snickerdoodle Kookies, a cereal that led me to uncover Millville as a puppet brand of Post. So while it’s not entirely surprising that Post, who has been reliably delivering creative cereals for over a year now, is the one to fulfill my unending hunger for PB&J cereals, it still calls into question why they’re trying something so experimental exclusively at Aldi.

Perhaps, if Snickerdoodle Kookies is any indication, if Peanut Butter & Jelly Puffs goes over well, it will be picked up by Malt-O-Meal for a wider release. This would suggest that Millville is a trial kitchen of sorts for Post’s wilder ideas, which then supply Malt-O-Meal with testable flavors to release on the Post label proper.

No matter the grand strategic alignment, I am excited. Strawberry jelly is my preferred filling over grape, and I personally loved JIF’s interpretation of PB&J cereal from way back. Plus, the only other cereal of its kind I’ve had since was an embarrassment to lunchboxes everywhere, so here’s hoping Peanut Butter & Jelly Puffs puts a sticky-sweet smile on my face again.

And even if it doesn’t, PB&J is still a gateway taste to a Fluffernutter Cereal.

The Empty Bowl Episode Eighteen: Endless Loops

What do we want?

A diverse geometry of abstract cereal shapes!

When do we want ’em?

For breakfast! And as a midnight snack! And maybe for dinner!

If my latest review was any indication, I’m still incensed by the sugar ring redundancy going on in the cereal aisle. And although The Empty Bowl is an ever-ethereal and tranquil cereal podcast, we just had to spend some of this eighteenth episode airing our grievances. But don’t worry, we still air them in a “crisp mountain breeze” sort of way.

What else is new? Tune in and tune out negativity as Justin and I debate whether to play into Eggo’s retweet farm (although by this point, they’ve already won), sing the uncanny praises of pink confection, and repent to whatever Old God this is:

If you need more non-labor for your Labor Day, you can find more relaxing cereal respites at our Anchor hub, follow along on Twitter, or send in a listener question. We can’t discuss or respond to every email, but each email is worth a thousand retweets in my book.

*P.S., I’ve been out on vacation for a bit, but blog coverage will pick up again shortly. Thanks!