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Man, I’m really out of my league here.

See, I’m comfortable dwelling amongst the cereal greats, sharing so many of my breakfasts with Cap’n Crunch and Toucan Sam that I’m librariously well-versed in their extended universe lore. But now that the likes of Lucio and Deadpool—two characters whose narratives I can’t keep up with—start invading the cereal aisle?

Well then I feel like less of a cereal blogger and more of a cereal Facebook user’s grandma.

So I’ll happily tell you that the apparently much-desired Lucio Oh’s cereal will be coming soon in Sonic Vanilla flavor, but I can’t make any winking jokes or references about it—I’d try Googling it, but I don’t want to waste precious brain real estate currently occupied by Season 4 Simpsons quotes and obscure GameCube game memories.

Cubivore is at stake here!

While I predicted this would be an FYE cereal, even after researching Junk Food Aisle’s news, I couldn’t find any store news. The branding indicates Kellogg’s ownership, so perhaps it may hit wider store releases soon.

But what is coming to FYE? Almost definitely the first outwardly profane cereal—I hear the Cap’n swears like a soggy/groggy sailor, but that doesn’t count.

Deadpool $&!#% Flakes, which I can only assume totally translates to Deadpool Super Flakes, or perhaps Deadpool Shrek Flakes.

Farquad does sound explicit, after all.

Deadpool’s [PARENTAL ADVISORY] Flakes are already available on FYE’s site for a $&!#%-worthy price of $12.99. Suffice to say that as a non-fan who suspects these will just be sugary corn flakes—as is the FYE tradition of high art, low flavor collectible production—I may save my $12.99 for a binge buy of Pop-Tarts Bites.

Trust me, when I eat a bowl of them with milk, we’ll all get our money’s worth.

Trix is a cereal that’s changed more times than a Lady Gaga tribute to David Bowie.

Yes, while the likes of Cocoa Puffs has stayed perfectly rotund & football brown since their inception, Trix’s bite-sized cereal fruit salad started as warm-toned puffed corn spheres (sugar-coated Kix, actually) in 1954, before adopting their iconically unique fruit shapes in 1991. These shapes had an impressive two decade tenure, cementing themselves into the ’90s mythos before they were humiliatingly shrunk into Mini Trix and drained of their artificial colors and tastes altogether.

As we all know by now, this bleak, desaturated nightmare had a happy ending, as General Mills brought back the classic, artificially born & bred Trix flavors. It seemed like only a matter of time before nostalgia’s magnetic will would pull the fruit shapes back to us, and now here we are. As the euphoric Trix Rabbit’s visage proclaims:

FRUITY SHAPES ARE BACK!

The cereal hits stores later this month, but I was lucky enough to receive an early taste of fruit-shaped Trix. So while the rest of the world cognitively contorts our spherical planet into a crude raspberry out of sheer anticipation, I’m here to see if it lives up to a younger me’s memory.

I was eating Reese’s Cups with the paper still on at that point, so I wouldn’t be worried about high expectations—gimme a break, the brown layer blends right in!

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