I sure hope so, because we already have this Strawberry Blonde. It’s not just your Strawberry Blonde or my Strawberry Blonde.
This is Our Strawberry Blonde, so if you weren’t ready to telekinetically eat this cereal with me, then you shouldn’t have decided to trade your usual Cocoa Krispies for an infant-sized bag containing a revolutionary gastronomic feat that blends honey graham squares (Golden Grahams who had their identities stolen), strawberry puffs (rarely seen pieces that I hope were stolen from the JIF PB&J dumpster at the Kellogg’s factory), and the perennial favorite: “marshmallows” (looking as amorphously rotund as always).
It’s a daring pairing, but after witnessing the transformative taste bud magic of Malt-O-Meal and Cold Stone Creamery’s other cereal pairing, I wouldn’t be surprised if this reunification of three potent cereal powers turns saucily sorcerous.
Sure, peanut butter & honey might not be that strange, but compared to those square food pairs—PB&J, Chocolate & Peanut Butter, Chocolate Strawberry: you know I love you, but it’s been done, mate—PB&H belong more with other alt combos like Banana Maple, Raisin Walnut & Honey, or Coconut & Caramel.
Hey, I guess Quaker Oats is pretty good at this. I predict if oatmeal flavor permeations are going to keep up this rate of release, we’ll see a flavor like this mutate into Peanut Butter & Pickle Oatmeal by 2020.
But until then, let’s dive into a piping hot bowl of freshly microwaved Honey Butters & Oats. Continue reading →
I’ve always thought that the only way that an Orange Julius or a strawberry shake better could be better is if they crackled when you ate them. It would be so festive.
But now thanks to Snap, Crackle, & Pop, I can nearly realize my dream of carbonated milkshakes, as a pair of dessertified Rice Krispies Treats—Orange Cream and Strawberry Milkshake—have already been spotted on Target’s cereal sonar system, thanks to Snack Stalker and Candy Hunting.
Rice Krispies’ last attempt at sweetTreats ended up tasting like normal R.C.T.’s (not to be confused with Rollercoaster Tycoons) in festive but tasteless outfits. Nevertheless, I will retain a sense of reckless optimism, mostly because even if a Rice Krispies Treat isn’t the best, it’s still a buttery marshmallow mound that you can eat faster than—
Aaaaand the whole box is gone before you even bought it.
No, I’m not talking about the nevertheless adorable bird—I have a photo of a festive one hanging in my bathroom, to sum it up—this is about the Barbara’s Bakery cereal line.
The line of wholesomely crunchy pillows gets little praise, but I find its unique molasses sweetener usage comforting. Plus it knows how to do peanut butter flavor so authentically Mr. Peanut would definitely use a Puffin as a throw piece on his legume-shaped futon.
That’s why I’m excited for a chance to get comfortable, fruity, and…ripped? I know These Protein Berry Burst Puffins have been out for a while, but as they are exclusive to Whole Foods, it took me a while to get my hands on them.
Debuting like a crossover Oatmeal x Power Rangers trio of color-coded flavors that, while they may not be nougaty, still look like Three Tempting Muskateers.
I spotted these at Walmart, and I think they were shelved in the correct order of most to least exciting. Peanut Butter & Banana sounds like a Gracelandic delight, but I’ve observed that steaming hot banana flavoring tends to get unreliable when interacting with oats.
And Coconut & Caramel? That’s just slightly obscure enough of a flavor pairing that I can’t even appetizingly wrap my mind’s tongue around it.
But peanut butter & honey? That’s just slightly overindulgent enough to leave my inner child—who has a fondness for maple syrup & peanut butter sandwiches, of all things—fuelin’ up my microwave for an alt-nostalgic marathon.
Which flavor are you most excited for? Feel free to share in the comments. And if you’ve seen some cool new cereal finds while shopping, shoot them over to our Submissions page!
How high is too lofty of an ambition for a bland-by-nature shredded wheat brick?
It seems that the once humble bales are no longer content with simply sweet flavors like Blueberry and plainly Frosted. Now they’re aiming higher, seeking to be in the same strata of flavor decadence as cinnamon rolls, vanilla lattes, and now chocolate-covered strawberries.
With the expectations those desserts carry with them, that’s a heavy burden of responsibility for a crate of thatched wheat to bear. I’ll go into Post’s latest variety with an open-mind, but there’s one thing I’m calling up front:
A shredded wheat biscuit will never be an aphrodisiac.
I don’t mean to sound hyperbolic, but this might be the best thing to happen to cereal gaming since that time I beat Chex Quest 3 in one sitting with only a bag of Doritos (Nacho Cheese over Cool Ranch, to set the tone) as my copilot.
Monster Cereal—the annually/autumnally recurring trio of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry Cereals—news usually leaks early, about August or so, so it’s only fitting that a teaser for this year’s Halloween M.C.s would hit a month earlier.
While the very existence of a physical cereal card game has my credit card feeling warm, Monster Crunch!, dubbed “The Breakfast Battle Game” becomes infinitely more desirable for its resurrection of cherry-flavored Frute Brute and orange née vanilla Yummy Mummy. Observing this situation critically, I think there’s a 50:50 chance this was either done because the pair are coming back in cereal form this year, and the card game designs will match their box art, or because General Mills is historically cool with throwing the canine–Egyptian duo pityreferences but no cereals, a post-’80s revival that only happened once, in 2013.
You never know with General Mills, so I would pick a safer Halloween Cereal to place bets on. Like whether or not pumpkin spice will steal another spot from pecan pie.
(Photo via Board Game Geek)
But what we do know is a brief overview of the gameplay:
It’s ok to play with your food! Pick your favorite Monster Cereal character and battle to see who can “eat” the most cereal.
In this fast-paced game of luck and strategy, players collect as many Cereal Cards in their Bowls as they can. Each Monster has special powers to give you an advantage and help you gobble up the most cereal. Use Milk Tokens to combine Cereal Cards and take bigger bites. The Monster Cereal character that munches the most wins the game!
Monster Crunch! The Breakfast Battle Game features Boo Berry, Count Chocula, Fruit Brute, Fruity Yummy Mummy, and Franken Berry.
—description from the publisher
Now that sounds a bit like Hungry Hungry Hippos glitched into a Mario Party Mini-Game, but they had me at “milk tokens,” which is now what I’ll call all currency. Unfortunately, the provided pictures don’t let us decipher what each monster’s special power is, but I think we can safely assume Boo Berry can throw his hat like Oddjob.
Look for more details about this cereal’s release soon. I call Yummy Mummy for the first game!
What do you get for the brand who’s made everything?
Seriously, with how many new cereals Post has cranked out these past couple months—a salivation irrigation effort that has produced the likes of Nilla Wafer Banana Pudding Cereal and Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch—I’ve quietly wondered how many new, feasible ideas they can come up with.
But I guess it’s not over ’til the fat Fig Newton sings.
The newest news to come from recent cereal leak plumber @markie_devo truly plumbs the depths of cereal creativity. Rather than pudding or cookies, this one is a sequel to last year’s Honey Maid S’Mores Cereal.
As the imagination-spurning title of Cinnamon Honey Maid Cereal with Marshmallows would suggest, this variety trades the chocolate spheres of its predecessor for a cinnamon coating on its own not-Golden Graham (Bronze Biscuits?) pieces.
As Markie notes, it’s unclear whether the cereal will even contain marbits, but with the also planned debut of a very-similar Teddy Grahams Cereal, I’d predict sunny cinnamon with a high chance of gooey ‘mallow precipitation.
But who knows, maybe this cereal will be resorbed by the Teddies’ cute popularity. Or both cereals will have a totally different flavor by the time their unknown release date hits. Although I will say one thing for near certain:
We probably won’t be seeing a Lorna Doone Cereal any time soon.
