Monthly Archives: February 2018

28

Feb. ’18

Spooned & Spotted (Canada): Classic Taste Honeycomb Cereal

Classic Honeycomb Taste - Bring Back Honeycomb Changed

Picture the end of Return of the Jedi, but instead of Ewoks and bonfires on Endor, it’s Ewoks and bonfires in the middle of a cereal aisle. And the grinning Force ghosts of Andre the Giant and your inner child are watching with approval.

Yes, friends: classic Honeycomb is back, and the Honeycomb Hideout belongs to the consumer once more.

Allow me to explain: last year, Post changed the ingredients of 50-year classic cereal Honeycomb to be all natural, branding it as having “BIGGER HONEY TASTE.” Seems pretty innocuous, right? I mean, Honey Nut Cheerios became gluten free without jeopardizing taste, right?

Cue the 300 comments and counting tell me I’m wrong. While I thought the new stuff wasn’t that bad, every person who grew up clutching a bowl of Honeycomb in Anytown, USA chimed in to bemoan the loss of, if you believe their stories, the very essence of their childhood, which was forcefully exorcised from them by faceless penny-pinching marketers. Perhaps my favorite elegy for the lost Honeycombs was this poetic take:

Screen Shot 2018-02-28 at 11.49.38 AM

I won’t downplay their sorrow. I know it means a lot to have something that has long meant a lot to you taken away, so I tried my best to encourage commenters to take action and tell Post, instead of me. And in an optimistic case study of the value of voting with your dollar, they listened.

As seen in this photo shared by Junk Food Jeff, Canadian stores are already stocking two Honeycomb options: the new, “Bigger Taste,” and an even newer, but also older, “Classic Taste” Honeycomb. And fear not, Harold Comb, age 58 from Tuscaloosa: Post has stated that Classic Honeycomb will be coming the the U.S. soon, too!

I’m so happy I could French kiss a bumblebee.

Thanks again to Junk Food Jeff for the pic. If you have some exciting cereal news of your own to share, check out our Submissions page!

Posted by . Categories: Specials. 32 Comments

23

Feb. ’18

News: Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp Cereal is Coming Soon!

Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp

Image via General Mills

Happy birthday to, uh…

*frantically Googles “February 22nd”*
Dakota Fanning…?

No matter who’s blowing out (or pouring milk on) the candles, I think we can all agree that the surprise appearance of Birthday Cake Cookie Crisp, hitting stores as soon as a week from now, is a cause for celebration.

Now who brought Fudgy the Whale? And the fancy Club Crackers with salami and olives on top? Don’t look at me: I signed up to bring cups.

All cocoa blubber aside, Chip the Wolf (who looks positively PhotoShopped with glee)’s new sugar disks sure look an awful lot like 2009’s Sprinkles Cookie Crisp, but since the box claims they have the “GREAT TASTE OF BIRTHDAY CAKE COOKIES,” I’m willing to give this possible re-release a pass.

Because if a balloon-clutching man yelled that frighteningly nonsensical phrase at me in all caps, I’m not asking any questions.

Who needs milk when you have tears?

Posted by . Categories: News. 5 Comments

22

Feb. ’18

News: Cap’n Crunch’s Patriotic “Freedom Crunch” Did Exist!

Life’s most beautiful things are like fireworks: they’re here for a short time, they make us say ooh and ahh, and then they’re gone.

In this case, the awe-inspiring thing in question was here for such a short time that we thought it wasn’t, and the only ooh’ing and ahh’ing it made us do was when it cut up the roofs of our mouths.

To explain this demented odyssey, after some in-depth sleuthing last year, I reported that a red, white, blue, and totally unexpected Freedom Crunch cereal would be coming out. No matter how strange it was, I was convinced of its legitimacy after spotting it on reputable grocery sites.

But then I had to quickly redact my claims, after the Cap’n himself said it wasn’t a real product and another trustworthy source told me it was a scrapped product idea.

Cue months of radio silence, until I received an email with the above image, from a humble cereal lover who claimed the cereal did come out for Independence Day in his neck of the woods in Minnesota. He scooped a bunch of boxes and may now own the world’s only remaining supply of Freedom Crunch Cereal, which was somehow right under our noses for 3 months before I posted about it.

Why am I telling you this? Because whether or not I ever get to taste it, Freedom Crunch will go down in breakfast history as one of cereal’s great mysteries, right up there with PB&J Cereal, Cherry Vanilla Cheerios, and the legendary 2013 Pop-Tart Cereal.

If you know more about Freedom Crunch or any other mythical cereal cryptids, hit me up at cerealously.net@gmail.com and we’ll get to the bottom of it. The tasty truth is out there, people.

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18

Feb. ’18

News: Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles Cereal is Coming Soon!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Pebbles Cereal
This Pebbles news more than rocks: it’s a matter of gravel importance.

Okay, I know those mineral puns were more of a stretch than The Rock doing yoga, but something as momentous as Reese’s-flavored Pebbles cereal deserves elementary sedimentary humor.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4R22z7-bJl4

*Note: Despite what this video says, I’m told these new Pebbles are not gluten free. Sorry!

Yes, Chocolate Peanut Butter Pebbles are soon to be the latest in Post’s Flintstones-fronted crisped cereal line. First reported by @markie_devo on Instagram, this news held water (and milk) once I discovered, by way of a strangely specific product release YouTube video, that news of this choco-nutty niceness has been hiding in plain sight on the web for 5 months! 

I blame myself for not finding it. My punishment will be self-flagellation with a fossilized Reese’s Nutrageous Bar.

This isn’t the first time Pebbles has dabbled in this two-tone brown field. 2011 saw the release of puffed Chocolate Peanut Butter Boulders, alongside Apple Cinnamon Boulders. And now that those boulders have finally eroded, we can enjoy them again.

While I’ve publicly stated my controversial feelings about Pebbles as overrated—they’re too airy to produce a wholesome crunch, let alone a hunger-satisfying meal—last year’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios were so good there’s no way I can contain my Brontosaurus-sized hype.

I hope I can find a box in a Jif-fy!

Posted by . Categories: News. 4 Comments

16

Feb. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Lucky Charms Cereal with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows

https://www.instagram.com/p/BfPdEyyHn5q/?taken-by=cerealouslynet

Though Starbucks’ infamous Unicorn Frappuccino is long dead and gone—presumably with technicolor Snozzberries growing from its fertilized burial grounds—the Jazzy-Solo-Cup-colored liquid’s namesake cryptid is still grabbing the cereal industry by the horn.

Just weeks after Kellogg’s confirmed the in-store release day (March 5th) of its Unicorn Cereal (formerly known as Unicorn Froot Loops when released abroad), and just days after Lucky Charms announced the planned obsolescence of its hourglass marshmallow, Instagram user @sydnee_alexandra stumbled upon this real-life unicorn at an HEB store: a box of unannounced Lucky Charms with Magical Unicorn Marshmallows!

Given that there’s still an hourglass on the box, and that these intricate equine marbits likely have more artifical color than a Dorito at a tanning salon, these Unicorns likely aren’t a permanent replacement.

But I sure hope they taste like cotton candy.

Posted by . Categories: Specials. Tags: , , . 2 Comments

15

Feb. ’18

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Blueberry Pancake Crunch (2018)

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I’m feelin’ blue.

It’s a slow time for cereal. Now that the start-of-2018 blitzkrieg of new products has gone as stagnant as a soggy bowl of week old Corn Flakes, I don’t have as much to write about—so my apologies for the lack of updates.

Thankfully, Cap’n Crunch has heard our cries, and he’s brought back last year’s fan-favorite Blueberry Pancake Crunch. Coming from the same Limited Crunch-dition lineage as Sprinkled Donut Crunch and Orange CreamPop Crunch, it could be possible that BPC is here to stay.

Or should I say, it’s really…sticking around.

If you want to learn more about this cereal (while I wait for the Cap’n’s next edible adventure), you can read last year’s review here.

Posted by . Categories: Specials. 4 Comments

11

Feb. ’18

News: Lucky Charms Retires Hourglass Marshmallow

Goodnight, sweet curvaceous and fluorescent prince.

Though the above tweet from Lucky Charms is needlessly cryptic, major news sources have confirmed the rumors: before long, the hourglass marshmallow will be disappearing from boxes of the much-loved oat and marbit cereal.

The good really do die young: introduced in 2008, the hourglass is actually the newest mainstay Lucky Charms marshmallow. And despite being very questionably recognizable as an hourglass, the marshmallow was redeemed by an awesome commercial campaign, in which it became a powerful talisman capable of controlling time itself.

The hourglass will be far from the coolest discontinued Lucky Charm marshmallow: that honor is shared by rainbow whales and keys that only revealed in milk.

Like a ten-year Snapchat streak about to expire, the hourglass’ early retirement raises many questions: is this part of General Mills’ war on artificial colors? Will we see popped balloons, waning moons, and an end of the rainbow in the near future? And most of all, what marshmallow will replace the hourglass?

Feel free to leave your marshmallow guesses below. I’m banking on a naturally colored magic sugar beet.

Posted by . Categories: News. Tags: , , . 1 Comment

10

Feb. ’18

News: Malt-O-Meal Debuts Cinnamon Dyno-Bites & Golden Honey O’s Cereals

Malt-O-Meal Cinnamon Dyno-Bites and Golden Honey O's Cereal

I have seen the way. The way of the bag.

For the first 99.9% of my life, I was a non-believer at best and a heretic at worst. I turned my precociously large nose up at jumbo bagged cereals like those from Malt-O-Meal, seeing them as bootlegs. Cheap imitations. The cereal equivalents of tofurkey. And to be fair, they often tasted like it, too, with the thick bag imparting a (possibly imagined) plasticly stale aftertaste.

But then I saw the light, through a messiah known as Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch. Recent readers will remember me singing hymns of praise for it just last month, and it’s because of DCBC that I’ve joined the cult of Malt-O-Meal: the Church of the M-O-M, Spoon, and Holy-Crap-That’s-Good, if you will.

So now that I hear Malt-O-Meal (and parent company Post) are releasing Cinnamon Dyno-Bites Cereal and Golden Honey O’s Cereal, I’m more confident that the 2-pound cereal bricks bags will be more than just repackaged Cinnamon Pebbles and Honey Oh’s (which have recently been reformulated to remove graham, much to the chagrin of fans everywhere and reviewers like me who can’t even find the darn stuff).

No, I’m near-certain that some M-O-Mtherly love will be sprinkled in these bags to make them unique, and I can’t wait to try them. For those unfamiliar with their antecedent cereals, Cinnamon Dyno-Bites is cinnamon-flavored micro-rice flakes (meaning they’re a great texturizing mix-in for Cinnamon Toast Crunch), while Golden Honey O’s are oat and corn rings stuffed with rice and honey (meaning they’re delightfully sticky-sweet but can shred your mouth like Cap’n Crunch piloting a 360-degree lawn mower.

If you’re looking for these cereals, they should be at Walmarts already. But if you can’t find them, brush up on the best of M-O-M in the mean time, I recommend mixing Double Chocolate Brownie Crunch with Cookies & Cream and passing out from a sugar crash. These new ones should be out by the time you wake up!

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