Monthly Archives: August 2017

Review: Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites

General Mills Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites Review Cereal Donut Holes – Box

Before eating Generals Mills’ new Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites, you are required—by intergalactic law, I’m assuming—to listen to Yello’s ’80s hit “Oh Yeah” and mentally replace all instances of the words “Ohhh yeahhh” with “Doughhh yeahhh.” Only then may these goo-oozing (goozing for short) Cinnamon Toast Crunch-specked doughnut holes roll off your plate and directly onto your taste buds.

Okay fine, if you have poor wi-fi or are enjoying your Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites from a submarine, the Parisian Catacombs, or a coffin you were prematurely placed in—alongside your favorite microwave—I’ll give you the pass on the song. But since these microwaveable freezer aisle treats are one of the season’s most hyped-up cereal confections, they deserve some sort of ceremony.

So while you arrange the cinnamon scented candles into a doughnut shape with an effigy of Dunkin’ Donuts’ Fred the Baker in the middle, I’ll ceremoniously devour mine. Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: Lucky Charms with Three New Rainbow Marshmallows!

Lucky Charms with Three New Rainbow Marshmallows Box

Some seven and a half years ago, an MMA fighter turned farmer released a video of him gawking at a double rainbow whilst apparently hyped up on something far giddier than marshmallows. Now in the year 2017, Lucky the Leprechaun is doing him one better, with a new Lucky Charms cereal boasting three new rainbow marshmallows.

And it’s an old Lucky, too! We’ve all gotten used to seeing the Fairly OddParents-esque current Lucky, so it’s nice to see the familiar face many of us grew up with make a return along some colorfully granulated parabola friends.

These chic new marbits come just a few months after Lucky Charms debuted a full palette’s worth of Mixed-Up Marshmallows. While I say this with a tinfoil hat worn so tightly on my head it’s channeling local AM radio stations directly into my noggin, I still believe that the cereal brand’s marshmallow fashion show is being done to condition cereal lovers for the inevitable day that Lucky Charms ditches artificial colors, as per General Mills’ ongoing plight to make our nostalgic Saturday morning sugar bombs “all natural.”

I mean, just look at two of those marshmallows: no atomic blue, and no overly radioactive Shrek green! Call me a conspiracy theorist or a rose-tinted idealist if you must, but I want all my marshmallows to stay looking like something Thanos would put in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Lucky Charms Three New Rainbows Box Back

Unfortunately, the backs of these boxes don’t reveal any clues about dastardly Cerealluminati plots—just some sort of maze game that’ll keep you entertained precisely long enough to survive a Price is Right commercial break.

I’ve spotted these boxes at Walmart and Meijer now. Got a fascinating new cereal scoop of your own? Plop it on down at our Submissions page for a chance to see it on the blog!

Spooned & Spotted (Germany): Cars 3 Cereal

Cars 3 Cereal

How ironic: a cereal about anthropomorphized, rapidly accelerating automobiles hits breakfast aisles overseas, just as the American cereal biz is slowing to a snail’s pace. And I don’t mean Turbo the snail, either. We all agreed to never talk about that movie again.

Sorry if I sound a little sour—the dog days of summer are just never the best for new cereals. Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry are just on the cusp of hitting major stores, and those dough-forsaken Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bites are still eluding me, but other than that, I have to resort to posting pictures of licensed movie cereals that I can’t even buy. Continue reading

Review: Trader Joe’s Organic Purple Maize Flakes

Trader Joe's Organic Purple Maize Flakes Cereal Review – Box

Ha, purple corn? Yeah, right.

What’s next? Purple carrots? Purple Doritos? Purple ketchup? That’ll be the day!

Oh, what’s that? You say all four of those things have existed before? Deep down, I knew it all along. After all, I was (and pretty much still am) that weirdo kid who would’ve happily dipped his purple Doritos in purple ketchup had the two existed concurrently.

(Staggering the releases of Heinz EZ Squirt and Doritos Rainbows by a decade and a half must’ve been a deliberate move by the junk food deities made for our protection.)

And it’s because I am such an oddball snack-loving goofball that I’m excited to try Trader Joe’s newest cereal: Organic Purple Maize Flakes. And it’s because I love the color purple so much that it took me until I got home from Trader Joe’s to realize the Hendrixian pun in this product’s name—I spent the entire car ride with visions of Grimace and Oprah all in my brain. Continue reading

Spooned & Spotted: 2017 Monster Cereals!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXV4q44Dk0l/?taken-by=cantbear2livewithoutit

And just like that, the residual sweat of summer’s dog days has been wicked away, replaced with the foaming spittle of Halloween’s werewolf days.

Early August has long meant the resurrection of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry, but even when I know it’s coming, I still get giddy when I see those pointy teeth, head valves, and that little porkpie hat. They’re the edible harbingers of an entire spookily delicious time of the year—the literal breakfasts of Halloween’s eating season, if you will.

Instagram user @cantbear2livewithoutit has the enviable honor of being 2017’s first successful Monster hunter, having found the trio at a Foodworld store, though General Mills has confirmed that the cereals have shipped everywhere as of late July.

As far as themes go, the Three Muske-Fears here have scaled back from their grandiose 2016 election campaign. Despite getting points for effort, the online voting process was riddled with bugs and miscommunication, while consumers in general were a little too election-fatigued to be thrilled by a Transylvanian one (it was clear within a week that the Count’s name recognition would be unbeatable).

This year, Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry’s cereal box artwork simply puts a new perspective on 2015’s augmented reality boxes—but they add the novel idea of monster marshmallows! It’s a simply concept, but a refreshingly innocent one. Count Chocula keeps his iconic, cocoa-swirled bat marbits, but Franken Berry gets his lumpy head turned into sugar nuggets, while Boo Berry’s box is filled with sweet used napkins.

I mean sheet ghosts—sheet ghosts! Please don’t haunt me, ghost of Pete Lorre.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXXqKKED7HP/?taken-by=cantbear2livewithoutit

Can’tBEAR2livewithoutit was also kind enough to share the back of the box art. While the past few years have at least included cameos by cult favorite monster cereals Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy, it seems like this year they’re well and truly sleeping in their respective doghouse and pyramid. Instead, we get a suite of monster cereal cosplays from a bunch of other General Mills cereal mascots—and the Pillsbury Doughboy.

I love the idea of other food characters hanging out like some giant crossover episode, and I heartily hope that the Doughboy gets his own zombie-themed Pillsburied Alive monster cereal next year.

Until then, I’ll be hunting these boxes for a more comprehensive breakdown. Until then, our thanks go again to Can’tBEAR2livewithoutit for sharing the photo. Wanna see your own find in a Spooned & Spotted post? We’d love to see your latest breakfast haul, discovery, or feast: send it over on our Submissions page.

Spooned & Spotted (Canada): Oatmeal Crisp Apple Crisp Cereal

Apple Crisp Oatmeal Crisp Cereal

Oatmeal Crisp is a strange and wonderful beast, and it’s quietly getting a new Apple Crisp variety—in Canada only.

Traditionally lumped with Basic 4 and Raisin Nut Bran in the odd pantheon of “General Mills Cereals That Are Really But No One Talks About Them,” Oatmeal Crisp is a decadent cereal featuring toasted oatmeal flakes glazed with sugar syrup, paired with almond slivers and granola clusters.

So it’s pretty much normal oatmeal, just made more crunchy, less microwaveable, and with about a thousand more delicious calories per oatmeal-imeter.

Given my love for toasted oatmeal cereals, I’m personally embarrassed that haven’t geeked out about it more. As punishment, I’ll accept execution by way of conveyor belt-induced mass Oatmeal Crisp ingestion.

Canada’s newest Apple Crisp Oatmeal Crisp variety, discovered and kindly shared by our friend Junk Food Jeff, excitingly pairs the not-so-iconic cereal with the apple-cinnamon taste (and homely thatched charm) of a homemade apple pie, apple streusel, or apple slice topped with cinnamon and butter and microwaved for 12 seconds because I’m too poor to bake, okay Grandma?

Meanwhile, America has only seen regular Almond and Hearty Raisin Oatmeal Crisp in the past decade or so. I tried to more thoroughly research Oatmeal Crisp’s past American flavors, but this cult favorite is so elusive that online cereal historians can’t come to a consensus. The cereal’s Wikipedia page also name-drops Triple Berry, Apple Brown Sugar, Maple Nut, and Vanilla Yogurt as past, oddly specific flavors, while trusted resource Mr. Breakfast only names Maple Brown Sugar in addition to the mainstays.

Whatever Oatmeal Crisp’s true past contains (perhaps we once briefly overlapped with a parallel universe where Oatmeal Crisp is a currency), I’m just excited that its shelf presence isn’t petering out here in the 21st century. As Basic 4 and Raisin Nut Bran feel like they’re becoming modern relics, one of them has to survive and speak on behalf of weird cereals everywhere.

As a cereal weirdo myself, I thank Oatmeal Crisp for being my Lorax.

Our thanks again to Junk Food Jeff for sharing the photo. Wanna see your own find in a Spooned & Spotted post? We’d love to see your latest breakfast haul, discovery, or feast: send it over on our Submissions page.