Monthly Archives: December 2016

Spooned & Spotted: Keebler Cereal with Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOH1PZhgUed/?taken-by=junkbanter

I’m Cookie for Keebler Puffs!

Wait a minute, that’s not how that goes, does it? Well either way, this surprise sighting of a Keebler Cereal at a Marc’s grocery store in Ohio still has me going cuckoo with excitement like a varsity jacket-wearing cartoon bird.

Not much is known about the cereal yet. The box promises “Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies,” but packaging genuine, fully baked dough spheres made of butter, brown sugar, egg, and chocolate chip seems like a logistical nightmare. I’m not saying I don’t believe in Ernie and Co.’s elven magic, but it seems equally likely that the “Real” in “Real Mini Chocolate Chip Cookies” is just referring to how really really mini they are.

Plus there appear to be plain chocolate spheres alongside the cookie pieces. Are these meant to be brownies? Burnt cookies? Raw E.L. Fudge innards? Only Ernie and a lucky Ohioan breakfast fan know at the moment—the rest of us will have to nibble our Fudge Stripes in anticipation until Keebler Cereal’s full debut.

And speaking of Fudge Stripes, this isn’t Keebler’s first foray into the crunchy cookie game. Their aptly named Keebler Cookie Crunch combined the flavors of Fudge Stripes and Chips Deluxe into a single 2008 cereal. Perhaps this new cereal will take after Keebler’s new Cookie Dough Bites, and every piece will be—dare I say it—actually doughy.

Big thanks to Junk Banter for passing along this news and photo. I’m sure he and I will both be eating enough of this stuff to fill a Hollow Tree soon enough. If you’d like to share a fresh cereal scoop, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: kelloggs, spooned & spotted. 2 Comments

Dec. ’16

Review: Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts

I firmly believe that everyone has a “spirit Pop-Tart.” A spirit Pop-Tart is the specific toaster pastry flavor that represents you on a personal, philosophical, and even spiritual level. A spirit Pop-Tart has bits of your personality baked into every crumb.

While I love assigning other people spirit Pop-Tarts—like I’m some wise breakfast oracle on a Greek mountaintop—I’ve always got mixed readings on what my spirit Tart is. I like to see myself as a Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tart, but others have named me a PB&J Pop-Tart, a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tart, or even a Limited Edition Ice Cream Shoppe Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart.

I got tired and hungry just typing that last one.

But the second Kellogg’s announced its partnership with Dunkin’ Donuts—wherein the pair would craft not one, but two (the other’s Chocolate Mocha) new Pop-Tarts inspired by coffee beverages—my friends pointed at me with excitedly, confident that I am a Vanilla Latte Pop-Tart!

I don’t know why they say this, exactly: I like to think it’s because I’m sweet and trendy, but it’s probably because I’m always caffeinated and have a hairdo that looks like freshly frothed milk. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Uncategorized. Tags: 9 rating, kelloggs, non cereal, pop-tarts. 9 Comments

Dec. ’16

Review: Nestlé Lion Cereal Bar

Whether it’s a Rice Krispies Treat, a trendy cereal restaurant, or an exam for becoming a certified breakfast lawyer, the term “Cereal Bar” can refer to many things. While nutritionists and choosy moms may disagree with me, I believe that Nestlé’s iconic Lion Bar fits the bill, too. Go ahead and debate me on it, M.D.s and mommies: portable breakfast argumentation was the topic of my Cereal Law School dissertation.

Okay fine, I may not have the degree to back that up, but I do have this European Lion Bar’s ingredient list, which says my lumpy brown cylinder contains “8% cereals.” Plus the lion mascot on the front boasts how the bar is “EXTRA CRISPY.” All you have to do is imagine a floppy striped hat on top of his mane, and this bellowing fellow could join Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s Krispies crew.

Because, as it turns out, the tempting bumps studded below every Lion Bar’s rugged, chocolaty landscape aren’t nuts, chocolate chips, Oreo bits, or entire miniaturized cheesecakes—I know, I was hoping for the last one, too. They’re little bits of wispy crisped rice. And even on my first bite, they popped with a roaring intensity. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, caramel, cereal bar, nestle. 8 Comments

Dec. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: WWE Booty Ho-Ho-O’s Cereal

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all ’round the ring, not a creature was suplexing: not even a mouse.

I don’t have the time nor the professional wrestling knowledge to finish that entire parody poem, but just know that it would’ve involved Santa dropping the People’s Elbow down the chimney.

For all the wrasslin’ fans in your life, WWE & The New Day have just released the most perfect and edible holiday gift imaginable. Well, aside from maybe a peanut butter-stuffed, chocolate Hulk Hogan statue. Get on that, Reese’s! It’s Booty Ho-Ho-O’s cereal, and it’s a Decemberized edition of Big E, Kofi Kingston, and Xavier Woods’ cult favorite Booty O’s cereal.

Now, my wrestling knowledge starts and ends with old YouTube videos of The Boogeyman eating worms. So as usual, I’ll defer to cereal ringmaster Gabe Fonseca’s Booty O’s explanation video to catch you up on the lore:

Speaking of Gabe, he generously provided the above photo of Booty Ho-Ho-O’s. I’m glad he bought a box, because this fully licensed cereal can run you anywhere from $11–$30, depending on whether you buy it from f.y.e. stores, the WWE store, eBay, or that shady fella behind the abandoned cinema who smells a little too much like stale Fudgsicles to be trusted about his Limited Edition cereal scalping prices.

According to Gabe, Booty Ho-Ho-O’s taste exactly the same as their less-merry ancestors, but they do include three reworked marshmallows: golden North Stars, chevron-shaped green Holiday Cheer, and cloudy purple Holiday Magic. These appear to just be Booty O’s’ old marbits renamed for the season, but something about the idea of eating raw, unadulterated holiday energy gets me unnecessarily excited anyway.

I want to carry around a bag of Holiday Cheer and Holiday Magic marbits to throw at every Grinch, Scrooge, and un-marshmallowed bowl of cereal I pass. Not even my leftover Count Chocula stockpile will be safe.

A big thanks to Gabe for sharing his picture. If you’d like to give us a photographic gift of your own, click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: holiday, spooned & spotted. Leave a comment

Dec. ’16

Classic Review: Double Chocolate Krave Cereal

It’s been a relatively slow year for new holiday cereals, so I figured I’d celebrate the coziest time of year by revisiting one of my personal cozy cocoa classics. After all, it is the season for reconnecting with loved ones.

I’ve mentioned in my previous Krave reviews that the cereal is definitely divisive: most people either adore it (hi, I’m Dan: nice to meet you) or think it tastes like dog food pellets stuffed with expired chocolate pudding. But perhaps in this time of camaraderie and giving, we can give the Krave civil war a rest. Because I like to think that Double Chocolate is Krave’s most universally palatable flavor.

Why is that? Well I’m glad you asked. Pour yourself a glass of chocolate milk, chocolate eggnog, or questionably stale chocolate pudding and let me tell you. Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 8 rating, chocolate, kelloggs, krave. 1 Comment

Dec. ’16

News: Cinnamon Pebbles Cereal is Coming January 2017!

(Image via Post Foods)

(Update: We reviewed Cinnamon Pebbles!)

It’s about time Post put Fred & Barney back squarely in the cardboard spotlight.

Yeah, yeah, I know: new Cinnamon Pebbles cereal, coming from Post in January 2017, sounds exciting and delicious and all, but the real news here is that the new cereal monarchy of Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm is finally over. While The Flintstones’ Fred & Barney still grace the front of Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles, those two rascally rugrats Pebbles & Bamm-Bamm always get to appear on new Pebbles cereals: from Sugar Cookie Pebbles to Poppin’ Pebbles and Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles.

Why? Do troglodytic infants statistically sell more cereal? Or does Pebbles think she has a contractual entitlement to every cereal featuring her name?

Either way, good ol’ Fred & Barn are here to stay: Post has already stated that Cinnamon Pebbles will permanently join Fruity and Cocoa on shelves. About 12 years ago, the brand released Cinna-Crunch Pebbles, but those quickly went the way of the dinosaur. The scientific jury is still out on whether poor sales or a grocery aisle meteorite pushed Cinna-Crunch Pebbles off shelves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4EPI6jE7c

There are so many other unanswered questions, too. Even though the box says “Cinnamon Sweet Taste,” does the giant cinnamon stick on the front mean it will have some unique heat? Will Post reuse the same flavor formula from their discontinued cult favorite Mini Cinnamon Churros cereal? And with Cinnamon Pebbles suddenly competing with Kellogg’s brand new Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, will Cap’n Crunch and Jean LaFoote’s Cinnamon Crunch cereal return from the ’70s for an all-out cinnamon war?

Only time will tell. But I know one thing for sure: by the end of January, my New Year’s Resolutions and taste buds are both going to be burned raw by cinnamon goodness.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: cinnamon, pebbles, post. 6 Comments

Dec. ’16

Spooned & Spotted: “It’s Finally December” Edition

For every buzz-worthy Christmas Crunch and Cinnamon Star Crunch, there are plenty of less-exciting, non-Crunch based limited edition products that make grocery shelves a little merrier from the rough period of November 1st to December 31st. So while the Cap’n and those cannibalistic stars will get plenty of time in the breakfast spotlight, I want to give a shoutout to two of the little guys.

Or in the case of Rice Krispies with Holiday Colors, three of the little guys. Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s annual offering of red and green-speckled Rice Krispies is back again for 2016, returning silently to breakfast aisles in the night like a rice-stuffed Christmas present.

That’s what the song “Silent Night” is all about, right?

I “reviewed” (translation: “played with”) Holiday Rice Krispies last year, and I encourage you all to use this cereal to make your holiday season a little holiday-ier. You could make candy cane-shaped Rice Krispies Treats like the box recommends, or you could cover a snowball entirely in Rice Krispies and chuckle as innocent passerby unknowingly bite into an Ice Krispies Treat.

Quaker’s “Limited Edition” Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal may seem like a cop-out, as it’s just their (arguably) most famous flavor repackaged with a charming living room Christmas tree scene. I mean, they could have at least tossed in some pine nuts, right?

But I’m going to stay positive and express my love for this holiday oatmeal. I couldn’t imagine a more cozy, warm scene than the one Quaker lovingly immortalized here in cardboard. And they picked the perfect, warmly cozy flavor to pair it with.

This Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal is just ho-ho-wholesome, and I look forward to eating it from a novelty Rudolph mug while sprawled flat on my belly under my own tree. There’s a 100% chance I’ll be reading old Garfield comics while I do it, too.

If you’ve spotted any cool limited edition breakfast products, let us know! Click yourself right on over to our submissions page, or just email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com. There’s a good chance your picture could be featured on the site.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: holiday, kelloggs, oatmeal, quaker, rice krispies, spooned & spotted. Leave a comment

Dec. ’16

Review: Lucky Charms with Mixed-Up Marshmallows Cereal

They taste exactly the same as normal Lucky Charms.

There. If you were wondering whether Lucky Charms’s new Mixed-Up Marshmallows have wacky flavors, there’s your answer. I won’t blame you if you leave the site now and go read Joyce’s Ulysses, watch Chocolate Rain for the thousandth time, or do whatever else the hip young kids are doing these days.

But if you want to stay, I’ll provide my thrilling theory behind this new cereal and a thoughtful ranking of which new marshmallows are the coolest.

Still with me? Let’s put on our tinfoil hats and munch multicolored marbits together! Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 9 rating, general mills, lucky charms. 5 Comments