Monthly Archives: November 2016

Spooned & Spotted: Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch Cereal (2016)

(Update: My closer look at Christmas Crunch 2016 is here!)

“It’s just Crunchberries in different shapes. It’s just Crunchberries in different shapes. It’s just Crunchberries in different shapes.”

I can remind myself again and again that Cap’n Crunch’s annually released holiday cereal is the exact same as his year-round fare, just color filtered and molded into barely recognizable trees, snowmen, stars, and Santa hats. But every year, I just don’t care. Christmas Crunch’s yearly return always fills me to the brim with Yuletide merriment, and in a way, it’s a heralding angel of all the winter fun that’s soon to come.

I spotted the above cardboard igloo of Christmas Crunch boxes at my local Spartan store, but the light-bedecked Cap’n has also been spotted at Target and many other major stores.

The first thing that Christmas Crunch connoisseurs will notice is that we’ve got a brand new box design for 2016. This comes after what felt like 1,225 repeated iterations of that infamous gaudy red box. Of course, knowing the talented mind behind Cap’n Crunch’s illustration, I’m not at all surprised that this year’s Clark Griswoldian box is so mindblowing (and presumably fuse-blowing).

I want to do an annual re-review of Christmas Crunch right this very moment, throwing all Thanksgiving plans to the wind and blasting “Wonderful Christmastime” out my window with the intensity of a JG Wentworth commercial. But I know it’s too soon: if I review every holiday cereal so impulsively, I’d run out of seasonal content by Black Friday. And you really don’t want to see me spend December desperately trying to connect Raisin Bran to the holidays.

I’d imagine it involves sadness, a VHS copy of the SpongeBob Christmas special, and a lot of crushed up scented pinecones.

So look for a full review of Christmas Crunch 2016 in the coming month. For now, know that it’s out there and grab a box of your own for an early espresso shot of holiday cheer. And if you’d like to see your own picture or thoughts featured on Cerealously’s next “Spooned & Spotted” post, all you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Specials. Tags: cap'n crunch, holiday, spooned & spotted. 5 Comments

Nov. ’16

Review: Cinnamon Star Crunch Cereal from General Mills

A Eulogy for Sugar Cookie Crunch:

O Cookie! my Cookie! our sweet breakfasts are done,
My spoon is in the dishwasher rack, your “prize inside” was fun,
December’s near, Salvation Army bells I hear, the people’s stomachs rumbling,
While eyes scan the cereal aisle, the boxes plump and shining;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O this new bleeding box of red,
While in the trash my last Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch lies,
Eaten, empty, and dead.

Okay, I could easily go on for two more verses, fervently typing until my own fingers fall cold and dead, but I think it’s time to move on and face the facts. Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch was arguably the most revolutionary Holiday cereal in years, but after a two-year tenure on shelves, it has been unexpectedly replaced by Generals Mills’s new Cinnamon Star Crunch. My instinct is to remain pouty and cynical, but I’m going to take “the Grinch approach:”

When someone steals your annual present, sometimes you just have to sing anyway. So let’s carve into this box like it’s a roast beast.

Continue reading →

Posted by dan g.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 7 rating, cinnamon, general mills, holiday, toast crunch. 13 Comments

Nov. ’16

Guest Review: Nestle Lion Cereal

Soooo: I’ve been in Copenhagen for a week for work and really had no chance to get very far out of the meeting venue and hotel meeting rooms for anything other than fancy dinners. But who the hell reading this site would care about that when such hotel isolation provides an opportunity to try a cereal that can’t be found on this side of the pond?

Obviously, I had to find a local grocery store to see Europe’s exclusive cereal options, and Lion Cereal is one I have seen in the past but never gave a go. My first thought was, “You know what really sucks about a chocolate and caramel cereal based on a candy bar? The answer is not one damn thing!“

I’m looking at you, Twix. The “candy bar cereal” ball is in your court now. Continue reading →

Posted by marc p.. Categories: Reviews. Tags: 6 rating, caramel, nestle. 5 Comments

Nov. ’16

News: Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Coming in 2017!

Kellogg's Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal Box

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

(Update: Cinnamon Frosted Flakes are in limited early release in Walmart, Meijer, and potentially other stores. We reviewed them here!)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch may be good, but can it see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Frosted Flakes?

No? Well I can’t see it either, because the only known photo of Kellogg’s upcoming Cinnamon Frosted Flakes—set to debut in 2017—is more pixellated than a game of Super Mario Bros. played on a Walmart security camera.

The picture’s blurriness made think it had marshmallows in it at first, but upon closer inspection, they are just incredibly aggressive splashes of milk. But I can’t blame the milk: wouldn’t you get a little jumpy too if a kaiju-sized Tony the Tiger was staring you down with the deranged hunger of Godzilla on Thanksgiving Day?

After Candy Hunting found yesterday’s Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Latte and Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, I followed her investigative lead to an apparent Kellogg’s press release preview. It details a number of 2017 Kellogg’s products, including Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, Kashi Chewy Nut Butter Bars, and Eggo Waffles without artificial ingredients.

After Eggo’s recent Stranger Things smash success, Kellogg’s should brand this new natural product as “Made without Strange Things.”

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

Oh, and there’s a new Special K Nourish Granola with Quinoa coming in 2017, too.In my opinion, this granola doesn’t have nearly enough terrifying, King Kong-esque felines on its packaging.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: frosted flakes, kelloggs, special k. 6 Comments

Nov. ’16

Coming Soon in 2017: Dunkin’ Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts & Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts

Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts and Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts Boxes

(Image via Kellogg’s and FoodBusinessNews)

(UPDATE: We reviewed Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts! We also reviewed Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts!)

Move over, Pumpkin Spice Latte: there’re two new coffee-flavored treats coming in 2017…and neither of them are in beverage form.

Kellogg’s—continuing their apparent quest to turn every liquid imaginable into a frosted rectangular sugar pocket filled with dough and goo—is set to debut two new toaster pastry varieties based on Dunkin’ Donuts drinks: Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts and Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts. As you probably expected, the amazingly resourceful Candy Hunting broke the news, and I’m just here spreading the word like the more-crushed Pop-Tart in a foil-wrapped package of two. Seriously, go follow Candy Hunting and send her regards that are warmer than a Starbucks coffee.

Above is the only known photo of the elusive Tarts, and it’s unfortunately smaller than a Pop-Tarts Go-Tart. Because of this pixelation, it’s hard to hypothesize much about these Pop-Tarts—we can’t even tell if their graininess is whole grain! Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts appear to have a cinnamon or almond-esque frosting (though it’s likely just darker vanilla) and what I can only hope is a steamed milk swirl (though it’s likely just vanilla cream, or worse: plain sugar). Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, meanwhile, have a very frothy coating over a decadently dark brown base. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect dark chocolate, espresso, or dark roast coffee flavors—let alone a twinge of bittersweetness—but I will say that would make for the sexiest Pop-Tart ever.

I’m talking, “a candlelit pasta dinner cooked just for me and this Pop-Tart” levels of Pop-Tart romanticism.

Most importantly, we don’t whether these Dunkin’ Donuts Pop-Tarts are actually caffeinated, but I guess with all that sugar, getting any more energy from a Pop-Tart might leave my hands too shaky to hold a spaghetti-filled fork. Either way, I plan to do with these new Pop-Tarts the same thing I do with every coffee beverage: make it really hot and consume it so fast that I burn my tongue and regret all of my life choices.

Posted by dan g.. Categories: News. Tags: kelloggs, pop-tarts. 2 Comments