Monthly Archives: November 2016

Review: Kellogg’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal

Kellogg's Cinnamon Frosted Flakes Cereal Review Box Design

The box says “Family Size,” Dan, I tell myself. That means you shouldn’t eat all the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes by yourself.

But wait! the darker side of me says. Olive Garden says “when you’re here, you’re family,” so as long as I eat this whole box in an Olive Garden parking lot, there won’t be a problem!

So that, officer, is why I’m squatting behind this pasta-filled dumpster with a bowl full of crunchy, auburn-colored flakes. Would you care for a spoonful? You can be my court-appointed family. Continue reading

Review: Kellogg’s Cranberry Almond Raisin Bran Granola

Kellogg's Cranberry Almond Raisin Bran Granola Bag Review

You didn’t think I’d end Thanksgiving week without reviewing something at least tangentially related to Turkey Day, did you?

It’s true: the connection between Grandma’s homemade, Thanksgiving dinner cranberry sauce and Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Granola with Cranberries and Almonds is loose at best, but play along with me here. At least this granola won’t jiggle uncomfortably or come with a side of equally uncomfortable dinner table politics.

I reviewed the honey version of Raisin Bran Granola earlier this year, and I’d like to say I intentionally saved the cranberry kind for this thematically appropriate review, but the truth is that the first variety wasn’t particularly exciting or memorable. It just tasted like hyper-toasted, nearly burnt oats. Let’s see if its fruitier cousin shares a passion for dark meat.  Continue reading

A Cornucopia of Cereal Time Episodes to be Thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving, cereal lovers!

I know it’ll be hard to work a bowl of your favorite breakfast cereal into this day of turkey, green bean casserole, and yams glazed with some magic syrup your grandma must’ve bartered with Zeus to obtain, so I won’t blame you if you go breakfast-lite today.

But I’ll also give you six words: Cap’n Crunch in the mashed potatoes.

Regardless of how many Crunchberries find their way into today’s turducken, those of us gestating through day-long food comas can still celebrate cereal’s spirit by gobbling down the latest 5 episodes of cereal pilgrim Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series. Every episode is a feast for the senses, as Gabe nostalgically waxes on the past and future of a different cereal each week.

I apologize for stuffing so many episode recaps into a single post, but hey—it is the season of stuffing.

Continue reading

Classic Review: Post Raisin Bran Cereal

Post Raisin Bran Cereal Box Review

I’ve been on a long quest to review every raisin bran cereal imaginable, a quest so exhaustive that I bran out of “raisin bran” puns months ago.

Wait, guess I had one more in me.

Having travelled far, eaten a lot, and picked many raisins out of tricky tooth crevasses, it’s time for me to return again to raisin bran’s humble origins. Not all the way back—I’ve already reviewed the first raisin bran ever created—but still back to 1942, when Post Raisin Bran debuted in the same year as Kellogg’s Raisin Bran, a simultaneous release that I can only imagine ended in West Side Story-esque rivalries between street gangs loyal to each respective bran brand.

But is Post the Raisin Bran with the most, or does Kellogg’s smiling sun melt away the competition? Time to unsheathe my spoon, ready my dental floss, and find out. Continue reading

Coming Soon in Canada: Post Banana Bread Shreddies

Post Banana Bread Shreddies Box

(Update: We reviewed Banana Bread Shreddies!)

Smell that?

It’s the smell of jealousy—jealousy over Canada getting a cool exclusive cereal that America isn’t. It might also be the smell of warm, oven-baked banana bread wafting over the U.S.’s northern border, but you know, that’s kind of a “chicken and the egg” type thing.

See, I’m jealous because Post’s Banana Bread Shreddies are coming soon to Canadian grocery shelves in January 2017, and we here in the states have never been blessed by a doughy, ripe banana cereal. Sure, we’ve had strawberry banana Urkel Os and the surprisingly delicious Banana Berry Minions Cereal—which had notes of browned banana—but neither of those come close to the “Grandma’s kitchen goodness” promised by Banana Bread Shreddies. I’m still waiting for General Mills to realize Tiny Toast‘s potential for amazing bread-based flavor varieties.

This news comes courtesy of Jeff S., renowned Junk Food Dog and one-time Cerealously guest reviewer. I both thank Jeff for this tip and curse him for getting to bury his face in a banana bread-flavored breakfast when I can’t.

I’ll just have to use a real slice of banana bread to mop up my morning tears. After all, isn’t that the secret ingredient for keeping it dense and moist?

Spooned & Spotted (Canada): General Mills Star Wars Boxes & Post Football Boxes

Canadian Star Wars Cheerios Box Darth Vader

“Hut, hut…Jabba the Hutt, hike!”

While America’s northern neighbors may not get a lot of the exclusive flavors we get in the States (I’m dedicating my Orange CreamPop Crunch box to you, Canada), they sure do get a lot of cool cereal package designs.

Take these bold Star Wars Cheerios boxes—presumably released in anticipation of this winter’s Rogue One—for example. While in the U.S., we merely got General Mills Mascots redesigned in Star Wars garb for The Force Awakens, Canadian breakfasters get to make eye contact with Darth Vader himself.

Canadian Star Wars Cheerios Box Stormtrooper

Now I just want to see Buzz the Bee face off against the Sith Lord. While my money’s on Anakin, Buzz’s wings do give him the higher ground.

But it isn’t just lightsabers that’ll be gracing Canadian kitchen tables. They get linebackers, too. Continue reading

Review: Quaker “Bring Your Best Bowl” Oatmeal Finalists

Quaker "Bring Your Best Bowl" Oatmeal Box Review

Wait, does this mean my “PB&J Oatmeal” idea got rejected?

And my “Double Stuf Oreo Oatmeal” idea, too? Even my “Neapolitan Oatmeal,” “Thanksgiving Leftovers Oatmeal,” and intentionally redundant “Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie Oatmeal” ideas? All thrown in the trash heap?

Okay fine, Quaker Oats guy, I’ll accept this criminal oversight, only because the flavor finalists in your user-submitted “Bring Your Best Bowl” contest sound pretty darn good. There were over 500,000 entries for the competition earlier this year, but only three tempting tastes remain: Vanilla Chai Oatmeal, Lemon Ricotta Pancake Oatmeal, and Apple Cheddar Rosemary Oatmeal.

To pick the winner, Quaker has slapped all three finalists into a single box. It’s up to us—the humble consumers—to try ’em and vote with our taste buds here: the winner will be “saved” on shelves. Since this is a game of oatmeal life or death, I figured I’d do my civic duty and eat three breakfasts in a day. Continue reading

Review: Kellogg’s Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts (Printed Fun!)

Kellogg's Printed Fun Frosted Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts Box Review

Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts are symbolic of a centuries-old conflict.

See, in the battle for holiday cookie supremacy, gingerbread men and snickerdoodles are the obvious competitors. But as those two vie for kitchen counter dominance—as gingerbread men tragically lose their limbs and as the ‘doodles stop snickering—sugar cookies look on from afar, calm and Buddha-like.

Sugar cookies rarely get media spotlight—after all, they’re not shaped like adorable people or flecked with glittering cinnamon sugar. But sugar cookies are still annual staples for a good reason: they’re reliably delicious, and few would ever dare to debate that, lest they evoke the collective rage of a billion treat-baking grandmas.

This universal appeal is probably what made the late Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch (goodnight, sweet cereal prince) so widely beloved, and it’s what brings “Printed Fun” Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts back to shelves year after year. Continue reading