As I get older, I keep up with Disney news less and less: I’ve always preferred Chuck E. Cheese to Mickey when it comes to anthropomorphized rodents, anyway. That’s why before this review, I still had no idea what the upcoming Moana is going to be about. But thanks to a close friend of mine named Wick E. Pedia, I know the film’s about a Polynesian warrior princess who embarks on a nautical journey with the demigod Maui—played by none other than Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Well, I guess that explains the boulder-sized, tattooed dude on the back of Kellogg’s new Moana Cereal box:
As the “days until Halloween” counter drips lower than fake blood from a vampire Basset Hound’s mouth, I think I still have enough spice in my own blood to crank out one more pumpkin cereal review. Besides my annual Monster Cereal analyses, I usually don’t like to re-review the same product multiple years in a row. But like parents whose troubled child keeps getting sent to the principal’s office for doodling giant kaiju lobsters instead of focusing*, we need to talk about Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s.
*I decline to comment on whether this comes from my own personal experience with crustacean artistry.
See, I reviewed Trader Joe’s Pumpkin O’s last year and quite liked them—I gave them a 7/10 for their authentic pumpkin flavor and brown sugar finish. But as I dug into my box this year, prepared for another raucous round of good ol’ fashioned barnyard vegetable fun, I was left with the pained frown of a toddler being forced to eat his own barnyard vegetables.
I don’t know if Trader Joe’s actually changed their Pumpkin O’s recipe or if my taste buds have just undergone a Wolfman-esque transformation in the past year, but I’ve got Bill Murray on speed dial anyway, because there’s definitely something strange in this cereal neighborhood. Continue reading →
There’s only a week left until Halloween, but while everybody else in the world is taping fake cobwebs to their walls and putting the finishing touches on their Pokémon Go-inspired “Sexy Pikachu” costumes, I’m sitting here gazing at a bowl of Boo Berry cereal.
More specifically, I’m wondering why there’s never been a movie tie-in between Boo Berry and Ghostbusters. With this summer’sGhostbusters reboot now merely a bargain DVD bin memory,General Mills missed their chance to throw noxiously green Slimer marshmallows into every bowl of crunchy blue Boo Berry ghosts. The endmilk would’ve turned roughly the shade of the Jersey Shore’s seafoam, and it would’ve been glorious.
But I’ll have to make do with just Boo. Even without nauseatingly aquamarine dairy, Boo Berry still puts on a heck of a breakfast show. Of General Mills’s 3 big Monster Cereals, Boo Berry arguably has the most devoted cult following. He’s the Rocky Horror of Halloween breakfast options, so for the 2nd year in a row, let’s find out why damn it, Janet, everyone loves Boo.
I know nothing about Disney’s upcoming Moana movie, but Kellogg’s latest cereal tie-in with the film still sends my imagination spinning.
What if Kellogg’s played off the movie’s island setting and made this cereal’s crunchy swirls coconut-flavored? What if the orange sun marshmallows taste like mangoes? And what if there’s a mail away offer on the back of the box that let’s you exchange 10 UPC labels + shipping and handling for your very own pet pig?
Deep down, I know none of this is true. Moana Cereal’s hypnotic snail shell pieces are probably just Kellogg’s Cinnabon pieces stripped of all cinnamon heat and dressed up with a sugary syrup glaze. The marshmallows are probably just, you know, marshmallow-flavored. And the real exchange rate of UPC labels to baby pigs is probably way more than 10:1.
I’ll at least give Kellogg’s props for marshmallow innovation here. Instead of including the same white orbs they’re famous for and repackaging them as “whirlpools and sugary seafoam,” there are lovingly crafted, dual color palm trees. I’m still not sure what the blue star marbits are supposed to represent, though.
Probably the 5-star reviews that every critic will give Moana.
This photo was found by yours truly, with help from tipster Gabe Fonseca, on Target’s website after seeing a photo of Europe’s Moana Cereal variant, which, of course, doesn’t have marshmallows. While it hasn’t been spotted in the wild yet, Target’s site says it’s in stock at my local store.
I’ll hop on my trusty travel pig and get back to you.
If you’d like to see your own picture or thoughts featured on Cerealously’s next “Spooned & Spotted” post, all you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
I love you, Cap’n Crunch, so I’m willing to forgive you for omitting the “ugh” from the name of your Sprinkled Donut Crunch cereal.
See, I’m a doughnut purist. Whether it’s the word’s languid length or its simple, old-world charm, “doughnut” just pleases my eyeballs more than the comparatively blunt “donut” ever could. And for all those about to tell me, “Get with the times, grandpa: writing donut is way faster,” please tell me how much time you’ve actually saved by not typing those three lovely letters. If it’s less than 5 cumulative minutes over your entire lifetime, I’m sticking with my “ugh.”
So even though I’m a little upset, after tasting Cap’n Crunch’s Sprinkled Donut Crunch, I realize the real reason there’s no “ugh” in its name: because I never let out a single exasperated “ugh” the entire time I was eating it. This cereal is darn good, and even though it was released shortly before Cerealously debuted, I’m going to make up for lost time by digging into a dozen baker’s dozens-worth of crunchy rainbow loops. Continue reading →
Hopefully that grabbed your attention. It’s been a while since we last checked in with our friend Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time YouTube series—which spotlights a different cereal each week in a fun and nostalgic way. Decades from now, Breakfast History 101 professors will screen Gabe’s episodes as insightful windows into the cereal culture of days gone by.
Even in the twinkling, chrome future, the teachers will probably still show them on those ancient rolling TV carts, too.
To bring you up to speed on Gabe’s Cereal Time efforts, we’re going to have a viewing party for his five latest episodes. So let’s all build a blanket fort, pop some popcorn, and get cozy, because we’ve got years of memories to relive.
You did remember to bring the powdered nacho cheese topping for the popcorn, right? Continue reading →
A quick search on this site reveals that I’ve made hopeful jokes about Girl Scout cookie cereals before, from Thin Mints and Samoas to Tagalongs and Do-Si-Dos (sorry, Thanks-A-Lots and Trefoils: come back when you bring more than shortbread to the table).
My frequent referencing probably stems from my childhood love of those cartoon Girl Scout Cookie mascots, but it’s also true that in this world of political uncertainty and constant turmoil, we could all use a bowl of Girl Scout cookies for breakfast right about now. And now that news of General Mills two new Thin Mints and Caramel Crunch cereals has leaked, I can use the excuse that my repetitive humor wasn’t unoriginal—it was predictive.
Just call me Nostra-Dan-us.
The above photos were found onInfluenster by the ever-vigilant and wonderful Candy Hunting, so I encourage you to say thanks (and do yourself a favor) by dropping them a follow. It is currently unknown when these two crispy cookie delights will hit stores, but the very fact that they exist is reason enough to host a celebratory backyard campfire.
We’ll make s’mores using Thin Mints instead of Hershey’s bars.
Speaking of cookies, Thin Mints Cereal looks like a recolored, fudgier, and chip-less Cookie Crisp. At the same time, it’s poised to be the first mint chocolate cereal ever. Well, maybe the second—there was that one time I ate Oreo O’s then brushed my teeth right after.
And mere days after I pouted about America not having a caramel chocolate cereal like Europe’s Lion Cereal, Caramel Crunch emerged from the cereal ether to not only fill that void, but to potentially bring coconut into the flavor equation, too.
While it’ll be interesting to see how Thin Mints Cereal and Caramel Crunch Cereal compare to each other, there’s another breakfast showdown I’m more interested in. See, General Mills already has a cereal called Superman Caramel Crunch. So who will be the superior, caramelized king? Will the Man of Steel triumph? Will the guy who’s faster than a speeding bullet be bested by a bowl of these sugar-speckled cookies that look like beefy Cheerios? Or will Werther’s come out of nowhere and beat them both with a box of milk-friendly hard candies?
And the most important question of all: does this delightful news mean that General Mills is forgiven for their recent Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch snub? It’s probably too soon to tell, but if General Mills decided to announce a Peanut Butter Patty Cereal, too, I might be able to answer with a more decisive “yes.”
I’m 3 packets deep into my box of Trader Joe’s Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal, yet I can’t stop thinking about Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.
Maybe I’m crazy, or maybe this is actually some grand, Illuminati-level conspiracy between Trader Joe and Cheesasaurus Rex, but every bite of TJ’s soft, sopping, and starchy Pecan Pumpkin Oatmeal tastes like mashed-up mac noodles bathed in an autumnal, earthy pumpkin sauce.
Yep, I’m definitely crazy. But before you lock me up in the nuthouse, my pinwheeling legs kicking and my oatmeal-specked mouth screaming “But it ain’t easy being cheesy! It ain’t, I tell you!” as the bars clang shut, let me rewind this whole pumpkin oatmeal snafu. Because despite my nutty introduction, there’s a lot to love about this nutty breakfast. Continue reading →
