Need a YouTube series that’s kid tested, mother approved, and berry berry nostalgic? Well look no further than cereal documentarian Gabe Fonseca’s Cereal Time! This series brings colorful cereals of the past, present, and future right to your computer screen, and we want to share Gabe’s latest bowlful of videos with you.
The first is all about Kix. Kix seems to be a wildly divisive cereal: in most cases, you either grew up with sugary cereal and found Kix too bland, or you weren’t allowed to have the sweet stuff and treated Kix like a glazed oasis. Gabe, like me, falls in the former camp, but that doesn’t stop him from showcasing all of Kix’s cool extinct mascots.
Somewhere, buried in the plateaus of Montana, are the fossilized remains of that toothy cartoon cow. Continue reading →
These are not the discontinued Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Creme Pop-Tarts you once knew and loved. No: these are Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Crème Pop-Tarts!
Do you see the difference?
It’s that sophisticated “è,” which requires you to serve every pastry as an appetizer, hors d’oeuvre, or dessert at a classy dinner gala.
See, the è has never appeared on packages before: not when Chocolate Vanilla Creme Pop-Tarts were first introduced (no one knows exactly when—not even the authoritative Pop-Tarts Wiki), not when they were discontinued in 2009, and not even when they were briefly revived in 2014 as a Limited Edition flavor for Pop-Tarts’ 50th birthday.
But now these Chocolate Vanilla Crème Pop-Tarts, complete with the accent mark, are back as a Kroger store exclusive and wrapped in debonaire foil before me. Time to scarf one down with my pinky out, like a true toaster pastry gentleman. Continue reading →
“That’s Life,” I said, doing the world’s worst Frank Sinatra impression in the Kroger breakfast aisle as I gazed upon Quaker’s new Vanilla Life cereal.
“That’s what all the people crunch. You eat it dry in April, with milk in May. But I know I’m gonna change that tune, when it’s all soggy—all soggy in June.”
Okay, now that I’ve gotten all the Weird Al Yankovic out of my system for the day, I can crunch into these brand spankin’ new and vanilla sugar sparklin’ squares.
Though it has a rather subdued box and no mascot ever since Little Mikey grew up and inspired urban legends about Pop Rocks-related deaths, Life Cereal has had many interesting varieties. From 1978’s Raisin Life to 2002’s Apple Life, multiple flavors have went through the “circle of Life,” delighting Mikeys everywhere before their eventual discontinuation.
In recent years, Quaker has stuck to a trilogy of Original, Cinnamon, and Maple Brown Sugar Life. But since Maple Brown Sugar doesn’t appear on the side of my Vanilla Life box, this newbie may have unofficially usurped his syrupy older brother.
You have to taste really good to redeem yourself now, Vanilla Life: I take any insult towards maple syrup as a personal offense. Continue reading →
Raisin bran as we know it needs to evolve. Can Nature Valley’s new Raisin Oat Clusters help bring it from its Cro-Magnon hunch to an upright state?
See, bran flakes with raisins is one of cereal’s oldest traditions, dating all the way back to Skinner’s Raisin Bran. But while species of Toast Crunch cereal evolved from swirled squares to full on maple glazed mini bread slices in just over a decade, all raisin bran has done in its 90 years of existence is add oat clusters and maybe a few measly almonds.
Sure, there’s been the occasional innovator, like Raisin Nut Bran with its nut-coated raisins or the unfortunately discontinued Raisin Bran Extra! But by and large, survival of the fittest has been more of a “survival of the fattest, juiciest raisins.”
I demand more. I demand a raisin bran that will blow my mind instead of just my colon. It’s time to find out if Raisin Oat Clusters, one of Nature Valley’s two newest cereals, is up to the task. Continue reading →
Welcome back to another edition of Marshmallow Monday. This time around, Marshmallow Fruity Pebbles is our guest of honor.
Marshmallow Monday is a day to honor all of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s millions of children, who must soldier on as orphans in s’mores and cereal aisles alike, with only charred memories of their long exploded and molten father.
Never thought you’d shed a single tear for a bag of marshmallows, would you?
But back to these Fruity Pebbles with marshmallows. They’re exactly what they sound like, which means Post went down the sugar family tree, skipped past sprinkles and nonpareils, and found the other two sugariest cereal ingredients they could afford: technicolor crisped rice and marbits.
It’s a recipe for disaster that sounds straight out of a cheap Sci-Fi Syfy Channel disaster movie. And speaking of over-the-top disaster movie concepts: this cereal has Sharkasaurus marshmallows!Continue reading →
Ready your pointed roasting sticks and start building some flaming marshmallow catapults, because the great S’More War might soon be upon us.
There are several s’mores flavored cereals out there, and thanks to Canadian cereal fan Jas A. (thanks for the photo, Jas!), we now know that Post has tossed their milk caps into the arena, too. Their creatively named “S’MORES” cereal follows the lead of Malt-O-Meal’s Madagascar S’Mores Jungle Party by combining Golden Grahams-esque ridged graham pieces with marshmallow orbs and chocolate corn puffs.
One might accuse Post of stealing MOM’s war plans, but in reality, the two have been allies for over a year. See, in early 2015, Post Foods bought Malt-O-Meal, meaning that this S’Mores cereal is likely just Madagascar S’Mores Jungle Party repackaged with English/French packaging so that Canada can share in the s’mores love.
So the s’mores cereal battlefield now features S’Mores Jungle Party and “S’MORES” facing off against Kellogg’s two pronged assault of Krave S’Mores and Smorz. This begs several questions:
Which side are you on? Which s’mores cereal melts your heart like a gooey marshmallow? Does Post S’Mores taste different than Madagascar? Will General Mills return to the fray after the long ago casualty of S’Mores Crunch? And most importantly, is Cap’n Crunch hiding a S’Mores Crunch of his own?
While we wait for the cocoa-scented dust to clear and for all these campfire-burning questions to be answered, you can send your own picture or thoughts and have them featured on a “Spooned & Spotted” post. All you have to do is head over to our submissions page or email us at cerealously.net@gmail.com.
And for hungry Canadians looking for their own Post S’Mores, Jas found this box at Canada Safeway.
The main teaching of karma is “what goes around comes around.”
Then how come Kashi’s new Dark Cocoa Karma shredded wheat cereal comes as a square, and not a round loop?
Looks like you really missed a chance to tie your tasty breakfast offerings into the cyclical nature of moral interchange, Kashi.
That’s okay. I’m willing to forgive your philosophical blunder if this exciting cereal actually tastes good. I say “exciting” because Dark Cocoa Karma is essentially the second ever cereal—after Chocolate Toast Crunch—to combine chocolate and cinnamon in the same bowl.
Time to pop on a DVD of My Name is Earl and find some cinnamon chocolate zen. Continue reading →
As I opened my box of Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch, a frosty symphony played in my head.
Ice cream truck music, the steady drip of melting banana splits, and a chorus of kids groaning at terrible popsicle stick jokes: yes, this was the sound, the smell, and the edible heartbeat of summer itself.
I encourage you all to play this on loop as your read on.
