I’m glad I’m finally mature and intelligent enough to eat Kellogg’s new “Soda-Licious” A&W Root Beer Pop-Tarts.
Back when I was a kid, I never drank root beer without parental supervision. See, opening the fridge and seeing the word “beer” would immediately fill me with fear that I’d get clobbered for having accidentally sipped some forbidden alcoholic elixir.
Of course, I can laugh at my childhood illiteracy now, just like how I laugh at my dumb childhood self for eating the brown paper layers on Reese’s Cups. I didn’t know they were there, I swear!
Now it’s time to redeem myself by eating far too many artificially root beer-flavored, frosted and sprinkled sugar rectangles. Because everyone knows the best kind of redemption ends in a shameful food coma. Continue reading →
Sorry, readers. Cap’n Crunch’s new HomeRun Crunch just has me singing a tune because I love cereal and baseball so much. Oh, don’t get me wrong: I don’t like playing baseball. I have worse coordination skills than a mandatory elementary school choir concert.
But I do like going to baseball games, because it gives me an excuse to eat a hot dog with one hand, a cone of cinnamon almonds with the other, and a second hotdog that I have precariously balanced on the crook of my elbow.
Now thanks to the Cap’n, I can indulge in baseball-themed gluttony without being exposed to natural light, social interactions, and criminally overpriced Dippin’ Dots served from a cheap plastic baseball cap. Continue reading →
Easter may be over, but it isn’t too late to welcome a brand new hare into the mystical Brotherhood of Breakfast Bunnies.
It’s a pretty exclusive club, consisting of only the Trix Rabbit and Quicky from Nesquik Cereal. Despite his floppy ears, Count Chocula has been repeatedly denied membership.
No one knows what goes on in the BoBB, but we can only assume it involves cereal sphere chakras, milky meditation, and making fun of the Cadbury Bunny’s silly clucking. Now the Annie’s Bunny has joined their ranks, as Annie’s Homegrown has just released three new organic breakfast cereals: Cocoa Bunnies, Berry Bunnies, and Frosted Oat Flakes.
I had to try Frosted Oat Flakes first; since the other two rabbits have fruity and chocolatey cereals covered, Frosted Oat Flakes seemed like the freshest concept. If breakfast cereal were a fighting game, “Frosted Oat Flakes” would be the Annie’s Bunny’s signature finisher move. Continue reading →
Put Netflix on pause, because w’ve got something better for you to binge watch than all 10 seasons of Friends for the third time this year.
See, it’s been a while since we visited cereal generalissimo Gabe Fonseca’s informative and nostalgic Cereal Time YouTube series. The show covers a different cereal each week, and it totally deserves to be nominated for a Tony award—a Tony the Tiger award, that is.
Speaking of which, the first of four videos we’d like to share with you features Gabe awarding his top ten cereals of all time. Unsurprisingly, there’s absolutely no overlap between Gabe’s list and my own list of favorite cereals. This is probably because of our age difference, but by viewing our two rankings, you can get a taste (well, at least a look. Lickable computer screens aren’t real yet, right?) of twenty different iconic cereals covering decades, if not centuries of colorful cereal history.
If nothing else, I do agree that Cap’n Crunch wins most iconic cereal mascot of all time. If the good Cap’n can defy physics and wear his eyebrows on his hat, he deserves to be #1 of something.Continue reading →
(UPDATE: My review of Raisin Bran Raisin & Honey Granola can be found here!)
Oh say can you Krispie?
In a new product announcement this week, Kellogg’s provided a sneak peek at three upcoming breakfast foodstuffs of particular interest to this blog.
First is the above pair of Raisin Bran granola flavors. Sure, Raisin Bran Crunch may already have succulent honey granola clusters, but now we get a whole bag of them. Although the granolas will apparently include puffed rice and crispy bran flakes, too, I like to imagine a far off factory where existing Raisin Bran Crunch has its raisin and granola filtered out, leaving behind mounds of unwanted bran flakes that are ultimately used as housing for displaced woodland creatures.
The other, Cranberry Almond, appears to play off the dubious success of Kellogg’s Raisin Bran with Cranberries cereal. While this is all well and good for bran ‘n’ cran fans, I personally wish we’d get the return of my long lost Cinnamon Almond Raisin Bran instead.
Image via Kellogg
The next announce product was Red & Blue Rice Krispies. Nothing revolutionary flavor-wise, but the bizarre box art of Snap, Crackle, and Pop in full Independence Day gear is compelling enough to make me want it.
From Snap, who looks like your NASCAR-obsessed uncle, to Crackle, who is showing much more arm than usual, all the way to Pop and his gravity-defying hat, this box art belongs in a post-modern art gallery with some pretentious name like “Americana Marshmallow-topia.”
Image via Kellogg
Finally, we have the return of two new “Soda-Mazing” Pop-Tarts we already knew about. A&W Root Beer and Orange Crush promise plenty of classic soda flavor in sugary goo stuffed rectangular pastries. Since these flavors are so exciting, I’m willing to forgive Kellogg’s for not using the real term for the drinks. “Pop Pop-Tarts” has a much better ring to it, and for all doubting the legitimacy my midwestern slang, I ask you this question: they’re not called Snap, Crackle, and Soda, are they?
No word on exact release dates for any of these products, but feel free to discuss which ones you’re excited about in the comments below.
I have seen into the future, fellow breakfast lovers. And let me tell you, the world of tomorrow is weird.
Get this: in 50 years, all solid foods will be liquids, and all liquid foods will be solids! At dinner, we’ll nibble on chewy orange juice frittata slices for an appetizer, enjoy the hearty and tender roast Coca-Cola main course, and treat ourselves to Grandma’s old fashioned skim milk pie for dessert. Oh, and we’ll wash it all down with glasses of the finest carbonated mutton.
When I asked the flavor wizards of the future how this revolution came about, their answer was unanimous: “It all started with Kellogg’s Frosted Pink Lemonade Pop-Tarts!”
That’s right: before me sits a classic beverage in toaster pastry form. Along with their soon-to-come A&W Root Beer and Orange Crush Pop-Tarts, Frosted Pink Lemonade is leading Kellogg’s “Summer of Synesthesia” series (my name, not theirs).
Let’s see if these pastries can make me feel the summer sun as I sit here drenched and cold from a leftover April shower that apparently doesn’t own a darn calendar.
It is a dark time for the Internet. Although Star Wars Day comes every year on May 4th, corporate Twitter accounts from Hostess to Little Caesars continue to nauseatingly repeat the exact same “May the Fourth be with you” joke all across Twitter and Facebook.
Bringing some substance to this dreaded unoriginality, a group of cereal freedom fighters led by General Mills plans to release two new Star Wars Cereal boxes onto cereal shelves, for the aesthetic betterment of pantries everywhere.
The whiny emo Kylo Ren, obsessed with angst and probably old Nirvana albums, graces one of the boxes, while the heroic Rey lights up the other in a dazzling blue that reminds a certain cereal blogger of those awesome Go-Gurt tubes released for the prequels…
Forget April showers, May flowers, and June TV re-runs of Austin Powers, because strawberries are the real harbingers of summertime.
Strawberries!
Whether it’s the rosy pink of an artificial strawberry or the screaming scarlet of the real thing, the color of strawberry related things is enough to make my blood run red. Oh, wait…it always does that.
Strawberries!
Even saying the name makes me want to suck down fruity beverages through a curly plastic tube while singing along to “Copacabana,” because nothing’s better than straws and Barry.
Now even Cheerios—one of the most iconic cereal brands out there—has embraced this hero of the season. With gluten-free Limited Edition Strawberry Cheerios, General Mills is once again bringing peace to the breakfast aisle after the tragic discontinuation of Strawberry Yogurt Burst Cheerios in 2013.
We also know that the bread and strawberry butter of General Mills’ strawberry cereal game is still to come with this summer’s Strawberry Tiny Toast, but let’s give Strawberry Cheerios their time in the oat ring-shaped spotlight. Hi ho, Cheerio: let’s-a go!
