The cereal aisle has become a genuine clusterf*** of “extreme” styled cereal boxes boasting to passerby that their addition of oat clusters has somehow made a sugar-filled classic into something more suitable for the health-conscious.
Somewhere nearby, Honey Bunches of Oats smirks smugly at all the newbies: he’s had energy-packed clusters since 1989!
The latest of these breakfast bandwagoners is Chex Clusters. Continue reading →
Canada Day occurred this past week, and this weekend marks the much-beloved American Independence Day (you can tell it’s July 4th solely by the collective sound of several million ketchup bottles squelching their tomato-y innards in unison over millions more hot dogs and hamburgers). But this is Cerealously, not “Catching Up with Ketchup,” so let’s talk about what really matters.
I was lucky enough to spend this past week on vacation with my family that has become a loving American-Canadian hybrid. What this meant was that the pantry shelves were packed tight with snacks of both origins, a union which I viewed as an edible symbol of our countries’ goodwill. I mean, is there anything more beautiful than learning French as you eat?
It was a damp and cloudy Saturday morning. It was that sad type of weather where the clouds are eternally on the cusp of raining, yet it never comes. Essentially, it was the weather equivalent of that “I feel like I’m about to sneeze, but this potential sneeze prefers to tease” experience. In short, it was a far cry from the sunny and pristine childhood Saturdays you typically associate with cereal.
But I wasn’t about to let that dampen my mood, as well. Because it was 6:30am, and it was time to get driving. Why? Because it was the day of the 2015 Cereal City Festival, of course! Hosted every summer by Kellogg’s and Post in their shared city headquarters of Battle Creek, Michigan, the festival is an all-you-can-eat extravaganza celebrating the food which we all love, and which Battle Creek is built on (you can’t prove to me that the soil isn’t Cocoa Pebble dust). Somewhere in Minnesota, General Mills watches with jealousy. Continue reading →
Picture it: you angrily punch the alarm clock and groan loudly to the heavens above your bleary, slowly focusing eyes.
It’s Monday again, so you try to channel your inner Garfield and muster up some sarcastic quip, but the lingering sleepies in your eyes prevent any coherent thought. Oh well, so much for the orange cat. At least you do have leftover lasagna for lunch. Or is it linguini?
Hey! Enough dawdling! You have to go to work!
You stumble and bumble through your morning routine (Pants on right-side-out? Check. Sickeningly black coffee brewing? Check.), even though your mind is still in last night’s dream with Carmen Electra and that piñata in a jacuzzi. If you’re gonna make it through Johnson’s 9am “productivity jamboree,” you’re gonna need something wholesome, yet satisfying for breakfast.
So you tear open the pantry like Chewbacca tears off arms, and you see the sun smiling back at you. No, not that flaming hot, helium-loving ball in the sky: this is a good sun. The one proudly hoisting twin scoops on your familiar purple box of Raisin Bran Crunch. Continue reading →
Ready your bowls and spoons, internet! A new era of virtual cereal discussion is about to begin!
To reiterate what the big bold title above this said: welcome to Cerealously, your one-stop online shop for anything you could ever hope to read about cereal on a computer, smart phone, tablet, or holographic display device (hello, future!).
We’ll be bringing you dedicated analyses of every cereal type you could imagine: from chocolate to peanut butter, from healthy to sugar-laden, from centuries-old classics to the latest boxes to hit shelves. Not only this, but we’ll have all the hottest gossip regarding upcoming flavors, informative historical throwbacks, and even reports on one-of-a-kind cereal events! All of this will be presented with an attempt at wit that you will either praise or report to the FDA for dangerously high levels of “groan-inducers.”
So grab a box of your personal favorite, pour some 2% (or whole, skim, chocolate, almond, soy, etc.; no milk elitism here!), find that lucky spoon, and enjoy.
