We were so close.

When Dunkin’ Donuts announced their partnership with Pop-Tarts, I thought it was a no-brainer that we’d get a Jelly Doughnut Pop-Tart, complete with a fried, yeasty crust and a fruity or custardy filling. But alas, my hopes were squeezed cleanly out of me like a Boston Cream doughnut in an industrial vice grip: instead of any Inception-ed “baked good inside of a baked good” flavor, Kellogg’s and Dunkin’ Donuts gave us Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts and Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts.

We were so close that I nearly leaned out an open window and crooned “we could’ve had it all!” in my best Adele voice.

But I won’t complain, because Chocolate Mocha and Vanilla Latte are pretty darn good consolation prizes. And since I already love Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts enough to consider working them into my annual family Christmas card, Chocolate Mocha will surely make me forget about the world’s cruel lack of Cruller-flavored toaster pastries.

At least I hope so. I’ll keep my emergency Adele wig on standby, just in case.

Every Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tart is earthen brown and coated with a translucent off-white icing that looks like it belongs in a smoky Scorsese bar scene. On top is a zig-zagging brown squiggle straight out of Picasso’s “Drip Brew Period.” It’s certainly a beautiful breakfast—perhaps even worth framing on the wall of your local indie café—but as I nibble a crusted corner, I’m left looking for Ashton Kutcher behind the corners of my own kitchen.

Have I been Punk’d? Because Chocolate Mocha tastes eerily similar to a Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tart. Both have a crumbly biscuit crust, infused with sugar-dusted cocoa powder and a familiar buttery finish. Granted, Chocolate Mocha feels slightly softer—as if lovingly dunked in a cup of morning joe—but I’m going to proceed with caution anyway, unsure whether Chocolate Mocha is a Chocolate Fudge doppelgänger or just Fudge’s hipster older brother.

The filling doesn’t do much to differentiate Chocolate Mocha, either. It is, for lack of a better term, aggressively fudgy, as it smacks my taste buds with buttered, milky chocolate love. It’s definitely delicious, and with a strained tongue I did taste a lightly roasted hazelnut coffee flavor in my Pop-Tart’s aftertaste, but I still hoped for a more potent espresso punch.

The icing brings a little more uniqueness, as its creamy and vanilla-tinged flavor delectably melts into the dark cocoa Tart like a roasted marshmallow on a Hershey’s bar.

Speaking of melting, Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts melt delightfully when toasted. Just looking at that glimmering goo melts my heart a little, too—it’s like Kellogg’s siphoned the stuff straight from Willy Wonka’s chocolate river. I half expected to see Augustus Gloop frantically dog paddling inside my Tart’s bottom half.

With its semi-solid consistency, toasted Chocolate Mocha filling can almost be sucked straight out of its crisped shell like a mocaccino through a straw. And you’ll want to plunge in a straw, too, because this stuff is delightful: with pops of cocoa butter and smooth hazelnut, a toasted Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tart may be the closest we’ll ever get to a real Nutella Pop-Tart. Like a homebody who really came into his own during college, Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts become so much more than Chocolate Fudge understudies when exposed to a toaster’s warming light.

My Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts tasted like coffee ice cream after a short nap in the freezer, so I was excited to see what a polar plunge would do to these. And wow: chewing a frozen Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tart is like watching the evolution of a chocolate ice cream Pokémon. First it tastes like a rectangular fudge sundae, then it reminds me of Moose Tracks, and then it finally becomes a Rocky Road Pop-Tart, as the mingling, marshmallowy icing works its magic on the nutty chocolate below it. I may be biased towards all frozen Pop-Tarts, but I recommend trying this—even in the dead of winter.

Dunkin’ Donuts Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts: My Review, In Review

I concluded last week that Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts were essentially a blend of Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Gingerbread, and Sugar Cookie Pop-Tarts, and Chocolate Mocha feels like a modern hybrid, too. It combines the best parts of a Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tart and 2014’s often-forgotten Chocomallow Sundae Pop-Tarts, binding their chocolatey and ‘mallowy essences together with a hazelnut-brewed glue.

I’m a little bitter that there wasn’t a more uniquely bitter espresso bite to these Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts, but I’m the odd “Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks” type of person who goes around wishing every pastry, salad, or steak would taste more like coffee, doughnuts, or cherry pie. Most people will love Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts as a trendy evolution of a classic Pop-Tart taste, but if you need a little extra caffeinated love, just dip these into some real coffee or a Starbucks Frappuccino.

Or, you know, just spread a jar of Nutella on one like it’s butter on toast.

The “Bowl:” Kellogg’s Limited Edition Dunkin’ Donuts Frosted Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tarts

The Breakdown: Familiar fudge, merry marshmallow, and happy hazelnut make for a charmingly buzz-worthy Pop-Tart. But its lack of memorable coffee buzz (and caffeine, though that’s understandable) leaves a java junkie like me buzzing for a tall mug to fill the void.

The Bottom Line: 8.5 doughnut salads out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 4.5 total grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 1 pastry serving)

***Check out our friends at Junk Banter’s Chocolate Mocha Pop-Tart review, too (even though they have certain strong opinions about frozen Pop-Tarts 😉)! Our friends at Snack Cellar have a review, too!***