Hey Brendan Fraser, are you listening? Because boy, have I got a role for you!

At least that was my first thought after reading the long-winded name of Kellogg’s Origins Ancient Grains Blend Touch of Honey. Something about it makes it feel like the title of a lost sequel in The Mummy franchise, in which an unsuspecting archaeologist investigates the mysterious origins of an ancient people made entirely of anthropomorphized grain.

But there’s no bandaged mascots or occult monsters to be found here (sorry, Yummy Mummy fans!): just a cereal chock-full of earthy, grainy flavor. Oh, and honey. But just a touch of it.

KOAGBToH, as I’m calling it, for short—and which also sounds like the angry roar of an awakened, evil ancient grain spirit—marks the latest attempt of mainstream cereal brands to clean up their often sugar-saturated reputation.

Along with General Mills’ recently released Cheerios + Ancient Grains and Cheerios Plus, Kellogg’s is now trying to compete with the fringe brands like Nature’s Path, Barbara’s Bakery, and Love Grown Foods, which are growing in popularity for their commitment to forcefully cramming as much natural grain, fiber, and antioxidants into little O’s and flakes as physically possible. In addition to this flavor, there’s also a Fruit & Nut Blend variety.

Now just what are these ancient grains? Well besides the familiar names of brown rice and barley, the box names them as spelt, quinoa, and Khorasan wheat. I can only assume that these three are the names of the high priests in the ancient grain society, with Chief Khorasan ruling with a benevolent, yet stern fist.

Believe it or not, I don’t actually have a degree in history. Or food science, for that matter.

The adorable porthole in the box gives a tempting peek at the diverse and corrugated grain shapes contained within. But unlike the “try me” buttons on packaged toys, pushing on the cutout circle doesn’t produce music or gyration from the grains. Just crumbs and disappointment.

Tearing into KOAGBToH, the smell is like that rare childhood visit you made to your distant, rural uncle’s farm: very wheat-y (not to be mistaken with Wheaties) and crop-y (not to be mistaken with crappy).

Aesthetically speaking, the cereal blends puffy Honey Smacks doppelgängers with crispity, crunchity (wait, those aren’t real words, spellcheck? Butterfingers lied to me!) brown flakes. The entire bowl doesn’t photograph well, since the different tan and beige pieces have as much tonal diversity as a Western movie draped in a sepia Instagram filter.

The taste also has features in common with a Clint Eastwood movie: a down-to-earth heartiness, a healthy dash of grittiness, and a very defined wheat presence, which thirstily sucks up any milk to make a moist, mealy mass of grain.

Okay, maybe that last part wasn’t much like Clint Eastwood at all.

As for the “touch of honey?” It’s subtle, for sure, and well overshadowed by the earthy grain flavor. To get an idea if what I mean, just imagine eating a haystack that got sneezed on by a honeybee.

I over exaggerate, of course. There is a thin, sticky glaze to be tasted on the cereal which imparts an appreciated, fleeting kiss of sweetness that intensifies in milk.

But the best part of Kellogg’s Origins is the textural mish-mash of the different pieces. Between the airy chewiness of the puffs and the light crunch of the flakes, it’s kinda like eating a bowl of honey-drizzled popcorn.

Err…a bowl of honey-drizzled popcorn that someone spilled milk on, that is.

So unless you have a strong aversion to the wheat-y flavor of grain (and if you did, you probably left the supermarket with your box of Froot Loops hours ago), KOAGBToH provides a surprisingly wholesome and tasty bowl of cereal that you can feel good eating.

Now why won’t Brendan Fraser return my calls?

The Bowl: Kellogg’s Origins Ancient Grains Blend Touch of Honey

The Breakdown: The flavor is 4 parts deep, earthy grain, 1 part buttery honey. And for better or worse, you get to experience every texture of the rainbow, from crunchy, to chewy, to mushy.

The Bottom Line: 7 pending patents for “popcorn milk” out of 10