Well, you know what this means, folks. Now that I’ve reviewed Pumpkin Spice Cheerios and Pumpkin Spice Life, once I review this Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch, I’ll have tried every new pumpkin spice cereal, and 2016’s pumpkin spice season will be over.

Harvesters will cease harvesting. Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte taps will run dry. And maniacally grinning jack-o-lanterns will become mild mannered office workers once more.

Nah, I’m just kidding. We all know there’ll be a million new pumpkin spice breakfast bars, Greek yogurts, and Greek yogurt-filled breakfast bars on shelves before I even click the “Publish” button on this post.

But while we wait for that Nutri-Grain Bar Nutri-nitty-gritty to befall us, let’s fall into a bowl of pumpkin spice Special K instead.

Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch is packed with a lot of spices, but it still only has 4 of pumpkin spice’s iconic 5: allspice, nutmeg, ginger, and cinnamon. After its resounding success in Pumpkin Spice Cheerios, cloves is nowhere to be found. This is probably for the best, since I can only assume that bringing all 5 pumpkin spices together in a single cereal would cause some sort of breakfast cataclysm—worse than having all 5 pieces of Exodia, all 7 Chaos Emeralds, and all 7 Dragon Balls.

The only worse calamity would be putting me in a room with 7 high school bullies who don’t appreciate my geeky references.

But while we’re on the topic of pumpkin spice tragedies, let’s get back to my pumpkin spice Special K. It may not be tragic or apocalyptic, but there is a lot wrong here. As usual, I enjoy the size, density, and crunchiness of Special K’s rice and wheat flakes. But this time, the flakes’ mild, earthy flavor and light, brown sugar syrup sweetness is coated with an additional waxy glaze that tastes like, well, actual pumpkin spice-scented candle wax.

As I eat a spoonful of Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch, the cereal’s herbal spices hit quickly and potently. Then they burn out just as fast, leaving behind a twist of anise bitterness and a mouthful of “meh” flake flecks.

I think something is off with the spice balance in this cereal. Cinnamon and nutmeg should dominate, but instead, there’s way too much ginger and allspice—two spices that should be used in extreme moderation. The whole experience felt like a punch in the mouth from a pissed-off gingerbread man who caught me trying to eat him 4 months too early.

Despite this, I foraged on, hoping that Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch’s promised spice clusters could redeem it. And I foraged for a long, long time. These suckers do taste better than the flakes, but they’re so hard to find that you’d think Voldemort himself chose them as his Halloween Horcruxes.

These clusters have a crispy oat base and a creamy yogurt coating. If you’re one of the 3 other people in the Milky Way galaxy who remembers Yogos Bits, these have the same texture, just with a gingery cinnamon twist. But if your brain isn’t stuffed with obscure snack food memories like me, imagine a little bite-sized nub of pumpkin spice Greek yogurt with honey granola mixed in.

Despite their comparative tastiness, these clusters are just too small and rare to outweigh the dry spiciness of the flakes. Even with two clusters in a spoonful, it’s like fighting a forest fire with a knock-off Super Soaker from a seedy dollar store.

Adding milk marginally improves Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch by diluting the strong spices with creaminess, but even then, I can’t really recommend it. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I like about this cereal—especially its subtle blend of honey & molasses—but every other pumpkin spice breakfast option out there is better.

Why? Because while Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch may have spice out the wazoo, it doesn’t have any pumpkin flavor!

In a last, desperate attempt to remedy my cereal’s lack of pumpkin, I cracked open a can of Libby’s pumpkin puree and gave my flakes a pasty bath.

Uh, not my best idea. Unsweetened canned pumpkin is about as palatable as a leftover brick of Circus Peanuts from Halloween 2015, so my mound of pumpkin and cereal tasted like a spaghetti squash with a burning stick of inside jammed inside.

Oh well, I’m not incensed about it. I’ll probably just call the rest of this orange goop pile “Postmodern Autumn Art” and sell it on eBay.

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The Bowl: Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch

The Breakdown: Despite its hearty crunch, fun clusters, and all-star spice cast, this overly herbal hodge-podge should’ve just been named “Special K Spice Crunch.” Special K fans should stick with Apple Cinnamon Crunch instead, which is returning for 2016.

The Bottom Line: 5 wistful Yogos Bits memories out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 120 calories, 3 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein per 3/4 cup serving.)

***If, somehow, you aren’t tired of reading the words “Special K Pumpkin Spice Crunch,” our friends at Junk Banter have a great review, too!***