You probably don’t need to be reminded that this U.S. presidential election is already nuts.

So why don’t we just elect a bag of Coffee Nut M&M’s into the Oval Office, instead?

I mean, just look at them: they have perky energy, calm suaveness from their muted earth tones, and they understand the youth vote’s fascination with trendy caffeine ‘n’ sugar beverages. And I promise: unlike the two candidates who will be on ballots this November, Coffee Nut M&M’s won’t get into a petty flame war on Twitter.

Not to mention the fact that they have prior political experience. If you remember earlier this March, Mars Candy hosted an M&M’s “flavor vote election,” pitting Coffee Nut M&M’s against Chili Nut M&M’s and fan-favorite Honey Nut M&M’s.

Okay fine: Honey Nut was just a Dan-favorite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGJbW9XjQFo

It turns out that Coffee Nut was America’s favorite, and as part of its victory rally, it will be staying on grocery store shelves and in my stomach from here on out. To celebrate President Coffee Nut’s win, I’m going to proudly shake his hand—by which I mean I’m going to shamefully shake the entire contents of his pouch into my own hand.

Because despite what the new Coffee Nut M&M’s packaging says, I refuse to share.

It may have been easier to justify reviewing Honey Nut M&M’s on this cereal blog, but since coffee is a time-honored breakfast companion and a valued part of my own morning cereal ritual, I’m making an exception. Besides, I’m a big enough M&M fanboy that I even considered reviewing Chili Nut M&M’s on this site with a blatantly false excuse about how “I totally eat a bowl of habaneros with milk every morning!”

Each bulging candy nugget is colored in an espresso, blonde roast, or creamer hue. The earthy and sweet smell wafting from the wrapper is like that of a gas station cappuccino machine, perhaps of the French Vanilla, English Toffee, or “I’m Sorry Sir, I’m Just a Speedway Cashier. Please Stop Asking Me About Flavor Profiles and Bean Origins” variety.

But these Coffee Nut M&M’s get bonus points for realism, because like many real coffees, they taste way different than they smell. The iconically sugar-shelled and creamy milk chocolate taste is definitely there, but it’s blended with a thick twist of bold caramel. There are faint notes of sweet coffee, too, but it intensifies slowly as you eat the M&M’s. Don’t expect any warm tendrils of café flavor to hug your taste buds until you’ve eaten 3 or 4.

Or just be like me and eat 3-4 handfuls at a time. Problem solved.

Combined with the mildly peanutty burst at the center of every candy, the final product tastes more like a pleasant Mocha Caramel Macchiato M&M than the potent coffee sensation I was hoping for. Heck, Mars had their chance to put a coffee bean inside each morsel, but I can understand why that might have left many consumers feeling bitter, both literally and figuratively.

Stuffing a Cheerio inside Honey Nut M&M’s would have been a real crowdpleaser, though. Just saying.

I’m not finished with Coffee Nut M&M’s yet, either. Not only do I have to fill my “stupid culinary experiment” quota for the week, but I also found the perfect beverage to drown these rotund latte bites in—cereal and milk style.

It’s Krispy Kreme’s Caramel Iced Coffee! This bottle has been staring me down on Kroger shelves for months now, and since I’m the same guy who once desperately poured a vending machine Starbucks Frappuccino on his Raisin Bran during one snowed-in and milk-less weekend, I have no reservations about mixing sugary coffee with sugary cereal.

The M&M’s clatter like marbles in my bowl, and after letting them simmer in liquefied, Krispy Kreme-branded caramel coffee for a bit, I take a bite.

I’m not going to lie; it tastes magnificent, and now I think I have enough energy to diffuse through walls via human osmosis. The coffee and candy flavors pair perfectly, proving my point that these Coffee Nut M&M’s are just solidified caramel lattes. They aren’t bad by any means—they’re as tasty as last fall’s Pumpkin Spice Latte M&M’s—but they’re a little too sweet to enjoy during my morning coffee hours. I guess I’ll just have to squish them into my afternoon Hostess Coffee Cakes instead.

Sorry for that bizarre mental image. I may have been hypnotized by this glossy, white-streaked endmilk. Congrats on the win though, Coffee Nut M&M’s. I’m gonna go lie down and hope I don’t diffuse through the floor, too.

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The Bowl: Coffee Nut M&M’s

The Breakdown: They’ll never top Honey Nut M&M’s, but these candies still have enough caramel and mocha flavor to warm the cold, black heart of a black coffee lover like me. And if you’re willing to cut a few years of your life, they taste even better swimming a cappuccino.

The Bottom Line: 7.5 cabin fever Frappuccinos out of 10

(Quick Nutrition Facts: 240 calories, 2 grams of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein per 1/2 package serving)

***These “Winning Flavor” packages were sent to me by Mars, but they were slated to hit stores everywhere starting August 1st.***