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At some point, we’re going to reach terminal cereal redundancy.

It might not be until President Anthony T. Tiger is democratically elected as GRRR-and Crunch Chancellor in 2814 (rightfully usurping the callously crafted throne of the militaristic Cap’n before him), but I predict that someday, every cereal will exist, and originality will be an obsolete concept.

Carrot Cake Krispies? Pshh, they made that way back in 2083.
Unadorned Sponge Cake Toast Crunch? Surprisingly, that took General Mills (by then renamed Overly Specific Mills) ’til the mid-2400s.
And Honey Brunches of Oats Groundhogs & Waffles? Feels like they release that one every day!

Likely or not, the point of this prediction is that, until the last recesses of breakfast umami have been explored, there shouldn’t be too much reason to keep releasing the same cereals.

Case in point: Birthday Cake Froot Loops. A cereal that debuted in Canada for the country’s 150th anniversary in 2017, these formerly rosy rings now come in three colors that, while not birthday-themed in themselves, certainly seem like the type of thing a narcissistic Toucan Sam would serve at his own begrudgingly attended bash, to make everything color-code to his facial plumage.

Though Birthday Cake Froot Loops hit stores in May, there’s no word yet on how their taste will compare to Canada’s. Personally, the shades of Loop here remind me so much of Peeps Cereal, that I’m making an early prediction these are just those one-note bunnies cross-bred with a few unicorns.

Which of course begs the question: would you rather fight one unicorn-sized Peep, or 100 Peep-sized unicorns?

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Saving the debatably more interesting for last, Corn Pops is also breaking its 12-year streak of no new flavor varieties by…re-debuting the same flavor it launched 12 years ago.

Outpaced perhaps only by the sacred simplicity of Golden Grahams, the rarely changing Corn Pops brand is also bringing back Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops this May, slapping the “Corn” name back on them, and apparently giving them the same corn-kernelly shape American’s will recognize—2007’s CPB Pops were more spherical, like Canadian Corn Pops.

I won’t say I’m not excited for another chocolate peanut butter cereal—especially given the hilariously crude bootleg Reese’s font Kellogg’s used on the box—but I can’t help but hope, deep down, that this just clears a path for 2001’s Candy Corn Pops to bewitch us once more this October.

Thanks as always to Markie Devo for the tips. If you have any cereal scoops of your own to share, our Submissions page is always open. And hungry. Please don’t leave me alone with it.